There is tremendous wisdom here.  Listen. Connect.  Implement some of the suggestions.  

Wishing you much success 
vehkam

WOW!!! YHaTzaddik! Your progress up until now is SUPER impressive!!! You are fantastic! Keep up the amazing work, and you'll be soaring in no time!
BTW, While I am married, I have had the pleasure of getting to know many bachurim, many of whom have really gotten this whole thing under control, so don't worry at all, you can too!!!
Looking forward to hearing more from you

My dear friend Yosef, keep in mind although a lot of ppl on here are married kmat all of us if not every married person here struggled since they were a bochur .
so we can definitely relate to you , although i hear your point of that it's easier in a way cause we're married...

yosefthetzadik wrote on 30 Jun 2025 22:46:

Shalom Brother,

Might I suggest the following posts from our (soon to no longer be) single Magic Man:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412126-Jewizard21s-Journey?limit=15&start=135#434605

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412126-Jewizard21s-Journey?limit=15&start=105#430003

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/417787-nechama-for-the-singles?limit=15&start=15#424553

Hatzlacha!

Hey yosfthetzadik,
Please feel free to reach out whenever. I am 23 and single (soon not to be as BenHashemBH mentioned ) 
I used to use Porn and Masturbation daily or multiple times a day from age 12. Baruch Hashem I am currently at around 580 days of no Porn and 440 days of no Masturbation. 

Heres another post of mine from a while ago 
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/412126-Jewizard21s-Journey?limit=15&start=120#432410

As for married men having it easier, its not so simple and I can elaborate when I am not running off a few hours of sleep, 3 coffees, and it being 12:30am 

Also there is a stage where nobody really talks about and that is the engagement period, which I will also elaborate on at a different time.

For now, what have been your main motivators so far? and why do you think they haven't worked long term?

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!

Hey yosefthetzadik! welcome to the forum i joined pretty recently myself (although I've been in touch with gye mentors for some time) and I totally get what you mean about gye being an addiction, at first I was thinking did I replace one with another!?

Just wanted to respond to a couple of your points which resonated with me. Number one I totally understand what you mean about a difficult home life triggering this behavior, its very much the case with me and I think you'll find others on this forum in similar situations. I will say something obvious yet which deserves to be emphasized that although its fair to say that it adds tremendously to the nisayon, it makes you a whole lot cooler in every little victory because your fight is so much harder and you can bet Hashem keeps that in mind.

Also let's just say your not the only single who hangs out on here...  I also would think that its harder for guys in our situation but at the same time you never know. For me personally it helps to think about the fact that at least you can look forward to a happy marriage with pas besalo (which of course doesn't mean that marriage is a replacement for P)  For example let's say a guy is struggling with shalom bayis or maybe isn't interested in his wife that could be in a way much harder because he can start feeling deeply dissatisfied  and he knows this is it there's no other form of pas besalo for him which I can imagine leads to all types of problems. That perspective sort of keeps the thing in perspective for me that you cant say the next situation in life will be the main time to deal with it because you just never know.

Anyway glad you've joined the struggle fellow bochur, yours truly, jwbf

yosefthetzadik wrote on 30 Jun 2025 22:46:

Is there an advantage for married men? Yes. They have Pas Besalo, IF they know how to run the business correctly. 
Is there an advantage for singles? When I was a bachur I had a 90 day streak and I don't remember it being as difficult to achieve as in my married years. Why? For 2 reasons:
a) As a married man I have tasted the enjoyment and therefore my cravings for more are way stronger.
b) It's like an open wound: the best thing is to leave it and ignore it until it's healed properly. Within a few weeks it will no longer bother you. However, if you remove the bandage every other day and just scratch the wound a little, it'll never heal. The itch will always be there...

A lot of the difficulty for a Bachur is the emotional need to connect, sometimes even more than the physical urges. And to satisfy that emotional need, we have the ability to connect through learning and davening and to connect to good friends in a healthy way. (See this post.)

So yes, the נסיון is definitely greater for a Bachur (as the Gemara says in Pesachim 113a: שלשה הקב''ה מכריז עליהם בכל יום: על רווק הדר בכרך ואינו חוטא), however, there is a HUGE advantage in the way that the urges can easilier be ignored, and then it gets much easier as it says משביעו רעב, מרעיבו שבע.

Stay strong,
UpAndDown

I would like to disagree and say that it is neither easier or harder for either a married or a single. The nisoyon is similar but is actually very different.

First of all the nisayon is different for each individual regardless if they are single or married.
In general there are a few underlying factors that both singles and married men have to attain.

- Realizing that Porn, Masturbation, and other forms of Lust are poison to our overall health. They make us dependent on this dopamine affect which numbs our difficult emotions. Only once we stop using lust, can we start to learn how to process emotions in a healthy way.

-Regardless of pas besalo life is way more pleasurable when we aren't constantly numbing ourselves. Life is more Vibrant and fulfilling without Porn and Masturbation and you don't need to be married to experience that.

- Using Porn and Masturbation make us feel like frauds and cause us to live a double life which blocks our ability to truly connect with family, friends, rabbeim, Hashem, and ourselves.

- To be an upstanding individual of integrity we need to respect others and ourselves. Objectifying women wether online, in the streets, or in person debases them from being human into just objects of pleasure and Lust. Imagine knowing that when someone looked at you all they could think of is how to use your body? Objectifying takes out their humanity and replaces it with our animalistic fantasies.
Respecting others by not objectifying them, even when they don't seem to respect themselves, is a matter of self respect. Doing this is how we come to respect our (future) wives and have the self confidence in knowing that we are in control of our minds, and doing the right thing.

- Singles and Married men need to know that sexuality and sex are some of the most Kadosh things in Judaism. Hashem created it for us in order to connect with our wives in the most deepest way.
The porn industry shows us this extremely false perception of what sex is or could be, when in reality these people are being paid to create this false perception of pure lust. A person must know that what is seen online or in our fantasies is completely false and no woman would agree, let alone enjoy, these terrible things. Again this is where we need to deobjectify and realize that true sex in marriage is not about the act, but also the deep connection between man and wife that brings the shchina into the home.

- It is our job as men wether single or married to clean our minds for our (future) wives and children. Using Porn and Masturbation distances ourselves from them wether out of fear they will find out or even to protect them from ourselves. To truly have a home of safety,  comfort, and trust which are vital to a wife and kids is not something that just happens. It has to be intentional, and wether you are single or married we need to start now in order to build that environment.

Please don't compare to wether being single or married is easier. All you need to know is that fighting this battle is possible and achievable regardless.

Take each day one day at a time. You dont climb a mountain by jumping to the top. It takes each step. You may slip but in order to get to the top you need to continue climbing, one step at a time.

Keep on Trucking, One Day At A Time!!

Beautiful post. I agree with every word, besides the very first sentence. (My humble opinion is that there is a difference; if you take a deeper look...)

One more point I forgot to mention in my previous post:
Yosefthetzaddik wrote, When I look at the 90 day chart, I see a trend that the higher you go, the less percentage people are singles.
I think the reason might be not davka because they are married but rather because they are older. It is likely that the percentage of people succeeding is higher when they are in their 30s or 40s. They may be more advanced and more determined in their journey. Either because finally, after many years of trying, they've managed to work out what techniques work for them; or because you get to an age when you start really thinking about life; or because they have a family and feel guilty to have dark secrets; or because they're already making a bar mitzvah and don't want to be talking to their son about Kedusha while still being stuck in the mud....

Just my assumption. Take it or leave it.

I might have to delete this post later.

Im not a conspiracy theorist, but out of curiosity, take a good look at the Wall of Honor.

You'll see a pattern. Most of the greatest achievers posted last exactly 180 days ago...
Isn't that "intresting"....

(Totally not accusing GYE for faking acounts...)

Actually, that's exactly what I'm saying...

(I understand that this might be a psychological tactic recommend by a neuroscientist/clinical psychologist. I don't want to ruin it for everyone, so please delete it moderator, if you see fit....)

Hate to ruin it for you guys that didn't notice this yet, but I just took a look again, and it's so screamingly obvious.

Come on GYE technicians, do better, try to hide it at least....

I have honestly never looked at the wall of honor 

*edit: Since today it says 181, I'd venture a guess that the check-in counter reset for the start of 2025

Just saw a moiridika vort on the parsha. I must share it with my fellow fighters. 

“The most important thing is sincerity. Once you can fake that, the rest is easy.”
-Groucho Marks.

yosefthetzadik wrote on 02 Jul 2025 08:51:

Have a look at the TzitsisDude's signature