I definitely hear your struggle about not getting complacent (something that I struggle with too). posting and being open is a good way to combat that. the need of self improvement never goes away and daily we need to be better then the day before which we accomplish by being on the forum and interacting with others fight the same fight that we are.

Thank you everyone for your warm responses! and btw thank you also to everyone that drops a thank you, it's very encouraging! so bh today is day 36!!!! bh doing good, just gonna share that for certain reasons my mind and brain space is occupied with things that are going on in my life, and i also am little busy with certain stuff... i therefor am less consistent with my schedule and feel a little bit like jello (take it as you want!), so bh i'm still doing ok although i will say that there was a certain feeling that came up that i should maybe just look around at certain lustfull sites online... but bh i'm not doing that!!!!!!! and i think i'm ok!

Will also share that i also had a certain stressful situation that came up today (conflict between wife and mother, nothing too major but still, it's the type of things that come up by us every once in a while........) but bh i stood behind my wife and she really appreciated it, (in the past she felt like i was pressuring her to much because i wanted to satisfy my mother.... and bh my mother also came around, thank you hashem!!

Hatzlocha from the mir! and have a wonderful shabbos!

bh day 38! and that is awesome!!!!!! ah guttel lichtigeh voch to us all!

Ah Gutteh Gezunte Kedushedika Voch to you and all!! 

Just honestly curious: referencing your previous post- was there a connection between the stressful situation you mentioned (that BH worked out well) and the stirring of urges that you felt? 

chaimoigen wrote on 26 Jan 2025 04:05:

Hi r' chaim! thanx for caring about my growth! and for bringing out that tzad, i guess it's hard to honestly know..... but i would assume that it couldv'e been connected to that as well as other stuff that are still on going, but to be truthful i think that really anything even if it was a little thing could make my mind wanna go on vacation to lust world, but yes it would be beneficial to try to learn myself and my triggers a little better.

I will share something that happened tonight a few hours ago i got into a argument with my wife, (which bh doesn't happen that often!, and i actually ironically think it's a little bit of a good sign, shows there's some connection happening), and i feel like i behaved like a little baby, although i really think that there is a point that i have as well.... (whatever but i think it helps to share, i wish i would be able to share the details as well {not that exciting!} but i can't), so i realized right after, that in the past when such a thing would happen i would have immediately gone to act out (i'll leave it to the mavinim to explain that), but bh i am not doing that! and i don't even want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but at the same time i think it would be best for me and for her if i apologize tonight and move on, but i have such a hard time doing these type of things, (i think because of my lack of self esteem type of thing, that i can't get myself to admit to doing something wrong, but hopefully the more comfortable i get with myself and the more accepting i am, than it will become easier as i know that noone is perfect and messing up a little doesn't have to define me, and in actuality is healthy and normal, and really it would be better for me... whatever hope u get the gist of it, and it's good for me to get this out of my system, but hey words are cheap let's see if i can follow through with some action!

On a happier note today is day 40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hatzlocha from the mir!

Hello chevra! bh as a follow up i did apologize to my wife! and it went over very well! wish i couldv'e always been like this!
either way bh day 42! hatzlocha raba from the mir!

altehmirrer wrote on 30 Jan 2025 05:26:

Kol HaKavod!! 

It’s crazy but apologizing almost always works out much better than not apologizing….

A Guy Who Know What It Feel Like To Need To Aplogize A Lot. 

Ah my tayeraeh yesid fund the mir . Ah shud you don't come say hi as I'm in the next door town in slutks (aka bmg).  Yes your saying eisen always notice a pattern of Shalom bayis issues and acting out.

lamaazavtuni wrote on 31 Jan 2025 04:20:

it's not so easy.... the horse and buggy is pretty shaky!

chaimoigen wrote on 31 Jan 2025 01:06:

yup, but it could still be so so hard for me!!! my pride!!! it takes some humility! and realization that acceptance that i am not perfect! it's hard chevra but it's also healthy and right, bh i am making progress!

Hello chevra! iyh today will be day 44!!!!!!!!! wishing u all a good shabbos! and thank u to my dear friend for being there for me last night at 2 a.m.!

lamaazavtuni wrote on 31 Jan 2025 04:20:

This is a very true Yesoid. It's not always the shalom bayis, but very, very often the triggers are not sexual. They are things that make us feel emotional discomfort. Be it loneliness, boredom, stress, or a fight with the wife, when we feel emotional discomfort it's something we trained ourselves to respond to by looking for a sexual escape. (I would add that feeling rejected by our spouses is probably one of the most painful things. Every guy needs his wife's love and approval, and when she insults or rejects, it is very painful)
Knowing that the reason you are looking for a sexual outlet is really to soothe your emotions is very important. Because now, the next time you feel urges, instead of looking something up, stop and think "What am I feeling?". Realize your emotions. And realize that a huge part of the process of breaking free is learning how to deal with our emotional discomfort in a healthy way. The best way to deal with it? Talk to a friend. Share. And if you feel like it, cry. BeH these will calm our emotions and we'll then be able to tackle the challenge successfully.

Checking in from the mir bh yesterday was day 46!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just gonna go on a little ramble here, skip if u'd like! so i have been struggling with these stuff ever since 5th grade when my friend showed me a porn mag., and it's been many years since... with much time wasted on this in all different ways, the truth is that i had a time a few years ago that i built a big long streak......... but there is something so very different about this time, now i'm not saying that now i'm gonna be good forever no no no!, all i am saying is that even though i am only (compared to last time) 46 days clean, i feel like a new person was born! i feel a spring in my step! there's life here! there's purpose! i am feeling a huge change, just really really being true and honest with myself, and learning to accept myself and be comfortable with who i honestly really am, because hey i'm with myself all the time! so while i have dabbled in the s.a. world, and i have been in therapy in the past... and i have been with my current therapist for about a year now.... still i only can truly say that things started really shifting when hashgaocha led me to my chosuhuveh chaver from here

{and yes for all of you that are way to nervous to call someone what if it's my brother? what if it's my neighbor?...... what if he screams at me? what if we really don't connect? i'm way to shy... i'm such a intervert that u don't even chop......., i just wanna say that these are all valid and sensible thoughts that i also had, and yes there were people that i spoke to in the past that i felt like what was the point? they didn't connect with me, they don't get it! but with all that being said bh eventually i found my person and it is truly life changing for me! so when u have a guy dying from a sickness and they already tried a few refuas that didn't work, will they give up? or will they try the next........ even though if it doesn't work again it will be very draining..}

(Don't know y but i'm not comfortable writing his name, but yea he's one of the greats!), now i know that i'm not done yet, but i am actually excited and looking forward to future growth!!!!!! i know i'm coming from the mud, fix that actually from the quicksand on bottom of depths of the ocean, so i therfore still have a meholech to go, but this time it doesn't depress me, because as long as i'm on the right path right now, and i can look into a mirror (yea yea the alteh mirrer!) and say reb yid u are doing everything that u should be doing, then it makes me feel comfortable with where i am! so i am accepting but ofcourse can't be complacent!, so yes i am still in therapy... and don't plan on stopping yet, but now i can actually even gain more from the therapy! and yes always having my dear chaver to rely on it's truly amazing! there are so many new things that i am constantly discovering about myself and life, about my relationships and emotions, about my triggers and personality...., whatever i could write and write all day long, it's therapeutic but the mirrer mashgiach is waiting for me!

kol tuv and hatzlocha from the mir!!!

Just curious how do you dabble in sa isn't it a massive that you go and are in it forever?   Asking altz not sure if I need sa

altehmirrer wrote on 03 Feb 2025 18:36:

Same here, I still have a hard time talking to my newfound friends even though they know most of my life story. But the feeling of getting it out there and being open, vulnerable and safe is amazing.