Shivim wow wow !!!!!! Imh biz ah hundred un tzvuntseg!!!!  I think what you posted is an even greater accomplishment that. 70 or it shows that your really working the process the right way.  You were mekaim beoisoiy makom beoisoiy ish beoisoiy matsav.!!!        Keep inspiring us from the mir .

The whole mesilas yesharim is pashut, and that's why he wrote it because the yetzer hara gets us on the pashut things.

71!!!!!!!!!!

73!

76! scary stuff going on right now, very much related to these inyanim, feeling very anxious, daven for me brothers! (altehmirrer ben tzadeikes) thanx!

This is real stuff, it's playing with fire! our actions have repercussions! hopefully i'll come out unscathed, but who knows!!!!!!!! life's on the line! let's realize that i am tzitering in my pants bec. of my actions, please please take this message to heart it's fire!! worse then fire!!!! please don't let youselves ever get to a such a place....., you will regret it , there is hope for me that this will possibly just past............. but i won't know for another few weeks minimum.

As for me right now i have 2 options, option number 1 is to do what i would have always done in the past in these type of situations, to close up and get depressed and hopeless and feel like a worthless piece of dirt, which will lead me to act out, bec. i'm totally not feeling good about myself.

Option number 2 is to realize that by hook or by crook this is what's going on right now, no changing the facts, accept it embrace it, and turn even closer to hashem whom i know loves me so very much, he only wants what's good for me, and is only doing what is best for me, and i should also feel good that bh i am fighting and bh have made huge strides in the past few months, so i should internalize this, and also take stock that be it what it may i am a changed/changing person, and the altehmirrer doesn't paci himself with sexual outlets.......... at this point this is only another nisoyon (which i don't bentch on anyone).

I hope to stick with option 2!

Hatzlocha to you all, and again please take this to heart, it's possible serious life changing effects. (i don't see a point in getting more specific.....)

we got you. you'll win this fight!

My dear, dear friend, Altemirrer, I'm mamash crying along with you
I really appreciate that you were able to post this. I know it has got to be really hard. My heart feels your worry and pain. We're davening for you, my dear friend. BeH it'll be nothing.
But at least that much we can keep reminding ourselves, that our actions have reactions. That we can unfortunately destroy our lives. BeH we'll just have the fear. My friend, my heart is really, really with you

77!!!! (sticking with option 2!)

78! bh moving along!!!!!

Ah guteh voch! bh day 80!!!!!!!

So i fell..... but bh i had 82 days, and bh my fall was a lot less significant than in the past, and atleast i did also reach out in the begining of the day, that it's a harder day, and bh i don't feel that yiush feeling that i did in the past when i fell, bec. i know that i am doing work... and i have a support system, and that forget about being clean for 81 days... but it is also 81 days of internal growth, which is not stopping iyh! (and limoysa for where i came from i still shteiged alot lot lot!), but is it dissapointing? oh yeah! (i was already planning a lentghy 90 day post )



Lessons learned? #1 that i have to be more active about reaching out when things are tough, bec. the problem is not that i mb'd rather it is that i let myself get there, so i have to nip it in the bud.... #2 that as much as i bh grew in the past 2 and half months, i still have a way to go!



Kol tuv from the mir!



 

Ouch! Here a warm hug. That’s gotta be a painful reality check. As a genuine Alte Mirrer, you’re certainly aware of the Mashgiach’s beautiful thought on the 'גמ in נדרים. For those not as familiar. The פסוק in קהלת says, עיר קטנה ואנשים בה מעט ובא אליה מלך גדול וסבב אתה ובנה עליה מצודים גדלים. The 'גמ in נדרים expounds עיר קטנה - זה הגוף, ואנשים בה מעט - אלו אברים, ובא אליה מלך גדול וסבב אותה - זה יצר הרע, ובנה עליה מצודים וחרמים - אלו עונות, ומצא בה איש מסכן וחכם - זה יצר טוב, ומלט הוא את העיר בחכמתו - זו תשובה ומעשים טובים. The Mashgiach (For the non Mirrers, that’s Rav Yerucham) Shpars from this 'גמ, that the עבירה is only a trap, which is meant to ensnare a person, until ultimately, the city is conquered. The עבירה isn’t his goal, it’s only a means to an end, of enslaving a person to the YH. Slavery to the YH only occurs, when the person gives up on himself, when there's no fight left in him. and he throws in the towel (read - raises the white flag of surrender). That’s when he’s a hostage, and that's his goal. But the message the Mashgiach is giving us, is that even if we fall into one trap, we can still extricate ourselves from it, He hasn't accomplished his goal, THE WAR AIN’T OVER. Remember all the times you didn't fall over the past 82 days. Those were victories that you didn't lose by falling into this trap. What's a little trap in the grand scheme of things. Sure, it’s painful, but your a warrior, in the middle of battle. If you bounce back, regroup, and think through what led to this fall, you can incorporate all this knowledge into your fighting strategy. You can beat him at his own game. YOU'RE A WINNER AND YOU WILL WIN THIS WAR! Untangle yourself from his ugly tentacles, and get back to your post. Stand tall and proud, defend your city against that מלך גדול. Like I think it was ר' חיים who said, (note to non Mirrers, סתם ר' חיים in מוסר is ר' חיים שמואלוויץ) what did the old wise man say, what was his advice? He shows that the מלך גדול איז קיין מלך ניט, it’s all bluff and an illusion. You’re smarter then he is, he’s trying to bring you down by getting you to give up, but you’ve got the whole Shanghai rooting for you. He doesn’t stand a chance.

Day 1! @amevakesh thanx i love your response! hitting me at my own turf! (although if u entered bais hatalmud, [hub of the altehmir] then stam r' chaim in musser changes...., although r' chaim stutchiner is still revered).

So today i was feeling down about myself, lonely...., not a perfect day shmiras eynayim wise, till i spoke to r' ..... for 15 minutes, and that was (so far) a game changer, he made me really feel good about myself, (i'm usually not a easy customer) bec. bh i am really over all working hard, and i see big results... so yeah i'm not perfect.. duh!, but i am climbing and i do not wanna look back at all costs!

KOL TUV!

Day 2! it's so hard for me to be writing such low numbers after my big high.

Hatzlocha raba from the mir!