Dear GYE family,
As I begin to write I have some tears in my eyes, the reason I say that is because I’ve been reading gye forums for a few years now and I always told myself I would never get myself to write one, as well as telling myself I will never be able to change my habits my routine and the main thing my brain. I wish I able to have the courage to write my full story but I don’t think I’m ready yet, but I will say this I’ve been struggling with P&M for many years since I was young I also had a couple of traumatic experiences from when I was extremely young and even when I was mid teens, I’ve been in therapy for years didn’t really seem to help in this specific area. I did reach out and also currently in touch with some incredible people from the GYE family I’m bh married for over a year now and in kollel. And like everyone else I thought marriage would heal some what of my struggles but to be honest that’s not the case and I’m extremely struggling now, daily in many ways ): What really is driving me to work on myself now is a big part of me realized that as bad as you think you are for your actions and struggles, it doesn’t make you who you are yes there bad and horrible but it’s not you, and the real you doesn’t want this life. 
would love to connect to ppl who have real growth and experience with some what of a similar story (even tho I didn’t share much) 
thanks for listening (: 
remember Hashem loves you!!!
“your struggles do not define you
but they can refine you”

Welcome to the forums! The greatest warmest family in klal yisroel!

So happy to hear you finally made the step to post, I don't think you'll regret it.

Stick around and keep us posted.

BTW I love this line:

Welcome, i'm actually tearing up while typing this. You didn't share much detail, but you did share much pain which we can relate to. It sounds like you need a friend and I would love to tyr and be there for you, feel free to reach out my info is in my signature. 
Good people do bad things, we call them aveiros, if you have a person who doesn't do aveiros call him a malach. Good people are good because they want to do the right things and strive to do so. It sounds from your post like you want to do the right thing, you have tried otherr steps in the past and they didn't work so you are trying again in a new angle. Therefore you are a good person. I like good people, so I like you
Practical eitzos: tyr the flight to freedom program, and try to find a buddy to do it with. Post to keep us updated. Reach out to some f the amazing chevrah on this site, the ones who's contact info is floating around on all the forums (eerie, PY, IWLR, HHM, Muttel, I don't have the complete list someone else will have to post it in the morning), there is nothing like having someone to share with who can relate to you.
Hatzlachah Rabbah! We're Rooting for You!

My dear brother!
Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
There are many tools here to help you in this fight.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program(New Vaad starting this Tuesday!), the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframing the struggle.


There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,  iwannalivereal iwannalivereal@gmail.com , and Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me


Looking forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

Dear R' tryingTYH, welcome to the greatest family in the world, this is a family of hope and where healing is a reality.

I must say I love your first post you really come across as someone in good spirits, with a positive attitude, that's something that'll definitely bring you a very long way.
Follow the advice you were given, reach out to the best people and your life will change 100%

Keep it up and keep us posted 
With love Akiva