Welcome aboard! What a first post, what a follow up post! The the honesty, the vulnerability are the most useful tools you've got that will help you beat the beast once and for all. The road is different when traveled with friends, and your choice of friends couldn't be better. Any friend of IWLR is a friend of the whole Oilam. It's great to have you join our army, another heroic soldier in this stalwart army, resolute in taking on the מלך גדול to save the עיר קטנה from being destroyed. Looking forward to getting to know you better. Hatzlacha Rabbah!

Friends,

I remember my 10th grade rebbe asking us the following question. We all know the rule of kol haschalos kashos. So why is it that for many, the start of the zman (or the start of anything for that matter) is so often the easiest and most successful part?! He explained the obvious, that the initial high, the excitement, the freshness; they all have little to do with the real consistent hard work necessary for growth after those feelings dissipate. Therefore, that can't really be considered the beginning of the zman. The real beginning is only AFTER those first few days or weeks. 
And THAT'S when we see the klal of kol haschalos kashos.

Yesterday my real beginning began.

I had my first real urge since the start of this new chapter in my life called gye.
I reached out to my first gye friend for support and whoa did he come through!

Let's see if I can try and jump on the poetry bandwagon here and give it a shot. (I have some time


Hours so precious
Yielded over as if nill
His optimism infectious
Remaining with me until

Assurance garnered
the means has met it's end
the demon's been caged
Now my strength will not bend

How can I reciprocate
Show him what he showed me
When I'm the one submerged in deep
And in the deep it's hard to see


Words like thanks won't do justice
Won't Suffice to be uttered
For helping me to (e)merge
from the gated and the shuttered


This is someone who cares
so much so that he speaks
of another man's mountains
Like they're all his own peaks

For that kind of friend
There's none to say or do
But I sure can remind him
My victories are his too




pulled out,


MinHamayim

minhamayim wrote on 29 Jul 2024 19:32:

I'm not sure if I can compete with your tenth grade Rebbe, but I would like to rephrase the message.

We experience initial excitement, high, and freshness to understand how we will feel after overcoming the obstacles we face.

Recently, I was speaking with a fellow GYEer and remembered a post I wrote about the slogan "take back control" used in the BREXIT campaign. "Take back control" implies that we understand the feeling of loss of control and freedom, and that's what we are trying to regain. On the other hand, "take control" implies a promise for change, but we don't know what the future holds.

It's easier to fight a battle when we know what the alternative is, when we have experienced the alternative. That's why we are granted the initial phase of a high – to understand what we are fighting for, making the fight more worthwhile!

Hatzlacha!

- Yiftach'l

Thank you, beautiful.

I agree that the "initial high" should most definitely be used as a tool. The ability to know what success feels like is very empowering. I never thought of it that that is why we are granted it though. Big vort. Interesting. Food for thought.

Thank you,


minhamayim

A belated big welcome to GYE! I got a lot of chizuk from your posts and your openness in sharing your story.  We all have stories like yours (except the part about you and IWLR - that's like from another world - לא היה ולא הובה, I couldn't imagine that happening to me).  


What you say here is sooooo true...  IMHO as we go through this battle with victories and failures, I think the most important yesod of all is to never lose our self-esteem and awareness of who we are.  We are all yidden, precious yidden that Hashem loves and will always love - His love for us is immutable! 

The YH will tell us we are all resha'im, fakers, hypocrites, liars, murderers, worthless scum... don't listen to him!!  He is the liar!  All he wants us to do is to give up.  That's right - his whole tachlis is to give us yiush and make us give up.  Then we won't do mitzvos, we won't learn, we'll get severe depression, become nonfunctional, and we end up losing, and he ends up winning.  No Way!!  As long as we never give up and are willing and trying to fight this fight, then we've won the war.

Now I'll step down from my soapbox and try to live by my own words.

Lichvod R' feelinghurt,

Thank you for your kind welcome and for your true heartfelt words. Reading your own thread and seeing how unbelievably strong of a person you are, reminds me how much potential strength must lie in each of us as humans. It's a mechayiv for me and I thank you for that.


MinHamayim

Hello Everyone,

Today was day 23 for me. Over the last few weeks I've come to realize how much subconscious lusting is ingrained in me.

I've definitely had my fair share of real urges to act out over this period. Bh I overcame them all.
But I noticed that even when viewing images on "kosher" even "frum!" websites, there is an element of forbidden enjoyment that's present. Maybe this is something I have to be careful about forever, maybe not.  But right now this is clearly toxic for me. If I'm going to rewire my brain I have to be aware of everything that's going on in it.


Which brings me to what I'd  like to share with you guys. Today I had to be somewhere where there was a TV on. I am happy to report that after catching a couple glimpses of the "harmless" show playing, I sat facing the other direction for the rest of the time. bh I think this was a step that will bez"h lead me to more intentional, proactive not reactive living. 

Your friend, 

MinHamayim

Wow, that’s amazing stuff!!! I’m not sure exactly what you’re referring to as far what “a harmless show” is, but definitely, the main thing isn’t what’s playing, rather the fact that we’re lusting. For some it’s hard porn, for others, it can be a frum, tznius dressed woman that they find attractive….

minhamayim , it’s super heartwarming to see your meteoric growth! 

Here’s wishing for your continued success and aliya to a life of purity and happiness!

Your friend and brother,
Muttel

Thanks! 
I would agree. Hence the quotation marks

On the subject of brain rewiring:

Today I was driving, and after again and again being hit with the need to keep my eyes off the sidewalk,  I found myself saying out loud 

" GOSH! THESE FEMALE THINGS ARE EVERYWHERE!!! "

talk about objectification!

Apparently I've got some work to do. 


Thanks for listening,

MinHamayim

minhamayim wrote on 07 Aug 2024 23:34:

Can relate to that. Keep workin' brother!

Your moving ahead!

Friends,  

Tomorrow bez"h, I plan on being in an airport. 

Hashem, please help me be עומד בנסיון.

I pledge to report back here honestly how things went.

please daven for me that I don't let us down. 

MinHamayim 

Oh boy, can I relate to this. Airports was where my eyes just roamed freely, it was like an alcoholic in a bar…. On the other hand, knowledge that there will be accountability really helped me recently and I’m sure will help you as well!

Here’s wishing you a safe and clean journey, full of Aliya and bracha, and free of michshol and chet.

With love of a brother,
Muttel

    הודו לד' כי טוב כי לעולם חסדו


Bh I arrived safely. The word לשלום in תפילת הדרך has a deeper meaning to me now. (As do the words וחיות רעות בדרך )

Thank you to all who called texted or emailed over the course of the day. 

I'd like to share something a bit personal. 

I got a chance to put my head down and rest on the plane today for a few minutes. I started thinking about how different this trip was from any other one I'd taken. I remembered how sometimes over the years as I would be indulging in the sights around me, I would see other frum men being careful to look down or squinting because they took their glasses off. I remembered how jealous I was of their יראת שמים. How I would painfully think to myself that I would never be able to be like them.

I found my eyes getting wet as I realized that all that has changed.

This time it was me. This time I was the one watching my eyes. This time I was the one who b'davka wore glasses not contacts so I could take them off walking through the airport. I felt so calm. So clean.  So pure. 

Unbeknownst to my wife sitting right next to me, I started to sob silently thinking about how much support I have here and reflecting on how much my life has changed in the past four weeks. 

May הקב"ה guide me, all of us, and all of כלל ישראל to withstand all of our נסיונות and become closer and closer to Him.

Minhamayim

הזורעים בדמעה ברינה יקצורו...

Sometimes the struggle feels like it can't be conquered; it's just too much for us. However, when we acknowledge the accomplishments we've achieved, it takes so much weight off our shoulders.

When we want to measure success, it doesn't have to be black and white. It should be based on our past experiences - how did we go through them once upon a time and how do we go through them now.

You're soaring, buddy – keep it up. Measuring yourself based on your past experiences allows you to feel the change you've gone through. Let yourself feel it. It'll beH take you to heights you've never imagined!

- Yiftach'l