iwannalivereal wrote on 15 Apr 2024 02:35:

Your post is impressive and inspirational. However it would be most helpful if you can share HOW DID YOU DO IT? 

iseenoevil wrote on 13 Sep 2024 13:40:

This is how he did it

I'm sitting here writing the words "tonight כ"ג אלול is my 1st year anniversary" but I'm having a hard time continuing. I can't see the screen. My eyes keep filling with tears...

I'm sitting here and thinking back over the past 15 years of my life. The pain. The guilt. The shame. The feelings of yiush. The feelings of being a living stira. The feelings of being a faker. The numbness. The lack of control. The lack of motivation. The falls. The big falls. The yiush. All my years in Mesivta. All my years in Bais Medrash. All my years in EY. First 4 years of my marriage. 

What memories. The pain is still so real and so vivid.

And now, I'm thinking back over the past year. The first week of my journey. My first phone call to a GYE member. Getting TBOTG book. Receiving a phone call on Erev Yom Kippur from a new GYE friend that really cared about me. My first clean bain hazemanim since I was born. Meeting a GYE member for the first time. 90 days right around Chanuka time. Making more GYE friends. The slipping and sliding. The ups. The downs. The first clean winter zman of my life. And then the signs. Oh gosh those signs. The first caller. The second. The third. The 30th. The baby. The bris. The 70th caller. And now a year clean!

And more tears...

I'd end off saying thanks to my GYE friends - I couldn't have done it without you. However it's a lot deeper than that. It's not just that I couldn't do it without you, it's that you guys were almost everything in the success I've had.

L'chaim Raboisai!

My strength and inspiration, you mamash made me cry as I think of our phone calls way back when, and look who you've become! The star of GYE, the force behind a revolution. My friend, חזק חזק and through you ונתחזק!

The first time I laid my eyes on you, you were hunched over a Gemara, unaware that you were being observed, surrounded by a roaring, great army that holds up the world. That was always, and will always remain your essence. Though in the past, the YH tried pulling you away from who you are, this year you have not only restored yourself to who you are, you have lifted many along with you on their journey to their true self. Soft spoken, quiet, says little, but does oh so much for all of us here, he is a general of the finest sort. So ably marshalling us all into the service of our King, teaching by example how to overcome the beast with confidence. Learning to overpower the sweetness of sin, with the sweet feeling of victory. For me, and for so many others, you are a role model of a בן תורה with a caring heart for others 'למען ה, that won't stop until all of His children will return to Him with love. I can't think of a better description then מלאכי, who's words say it all.  תורת אמת היתה בפיהו ועולה לא־נמצא בשפתיו בשלום ובמישור הלך אתי ורבים השיב מעון.

מזל טוב מעומקא דליבי

With love and admiration,

מבקש

iwannalivereal wrote on 26 Sep 2024 01:24:

Sitting on the sidelines I’m blown away by your sentiments as you express gratitude as you cross the finish line on the road to victory. As one who is still engaged in battle, it would be helpful to know what was the pivotal point that assisted you in your endeavors? There are multiple features on GYE, surely all were helpful. But undoubtedly you attribute your championship to a dominant component. Please share so that one day we’ll also make a Seudas hodaah, hopefully 

livingagain wrote on 26 Sep 2024 11:32:

Shalom Brother,
IWLR may offer some more specific insight, but one thing stands out - repeated in his post.
A seudas hodaah is best shared with friends.
Kol tov

iwannalivereal wrote on 26 Sep 2024 01:24:

Mazel tov! This calls for a serious lchaim.

Your story shared here on the forums, more than anyone else's, fueled me up with some combination of hope and jealousy that keeps me trucking.

I'd say I expect we'll see great things from you one day, but you're already doing some. I expect we'll see greater things yet.

Mazel tov!

IWLR,

My screen has been blurring too..... I cry tears of happiness for you and me, and our brothers here on GYE freed from the shackles of pleasure.

However, I cry bitterer tears for our brothers still stuck in the muck we were once stuck in.... The ones that gaze heavenward crying עד מתי!!! The one's dreading ראש השנה and יום כיפור. the one's that feel desperation and hopelessness, fear, and guilt, leading to a weariness where they can longer care.... and they just keep clicking and scrolling.....

IWLR, what inspires me so much about you, is your taking your own personal success and channeling it to help so many others, tirelessly.... 

I only hope and pray that I too can join your ranks and celebrate my year of freedom soon, amen.

With an outpouring of love and emotion,
Muttel

Mazel Tov hero! But listen buddy, no time for those tears.... Put up more signs and answer more calls.  Recess is over - Back to work!!

All jokes aside. Where's the l'chaim? The pamalia shel ma'aleh will join us there - but they don't drink...

Hashem Help Me wrote on 27 Sep 2024 03:01:

Enough is enough! 
#BRINGBACKTHEWOODFORD!!
Tomorrow night, I will Bez"H have a special l'chaim of WOODFORD for the tremendous accomplishments of our own IWLR.


יה"ר שימלא ה' כל משאלות לבך לטובה ויזכה לקבל פני משיח צדקינו בקדושה וטהרה  אמיתית בקרוב ממש!!

"זה היום קיוינו לו"!!!

When I first began my journey, I lurked around for a while reading some other peoples stories. When I came across yours, was the first time I felt like I was writing my very own story! From the style yeshivos we learnt in, to everything else... it just sounded so familiar. I no longer felt alone in this struggle. And then... I picked up the phone, and felt comforted by every word coming from you. I finally had motivation, if you could do it, so could I (not a קל וחומר, just a מה מצינו).

Thanks for all the time and energy you gave/give me, you're a real part of so many others paths to victory! 

Hashem should give you koach to continue your עבודת הקודש! with your עזות דקדושה!!!!

מני הקטן,
יפתח

My dear Rebbi and friend IWLR!!

Mazel Tov on reaching this milestone! Reading your post was an emotional rollercoaster – the pain of so many years which is so familiar, the immense joy of breaking free, and how you've used your unique perspective to reach out and rescue me and so many others from the mud.

I'm reminded of the words of Knesses Yisrael in Shir HaShirim (1:5-6):

We're Yidden. Our pnimiyus is good, even when it's so obscured we can't see it. And in you I see that brought out so exquisitely. The fire that never dies in the heart of a Yid, always pushing him forward and even in such a shvere matzav not letting him be make peace with his situation, feeling the pain of being so distant, and crying out with a desire to be better, never giving up until the eventual triumph. And that flame continued to grow through a year of kedushah v'taharah, over time turning into a raging blaze, of a passion to help others reach the same happiness and satisfaction you had come to know, not relenting till every suffering neshama can be restored to its original pristineness.

There are times when the yetzer hara gets the better of me, and I long to return to my old life of hefkeirus, to the days when I would indulge my every urge and enjoy all the pleasures that lust has to offer, and I think to myself, "How could I have left all that behind?"
But then I think of you. And I think of the simcha which you radiate, the quiet confidence of someone who knows what the yetzer hara has to offer and yet had the courage to leave it all behind, and now relishes the infinitely greater pleasure of a life without lust, of a life of kedusha and regained control, and the fulfillment of being misgaber. And then I know which life I want to live, and from there I derive the koach to continue. 

May Hashem give you many more years of kedusha, and help you continue to bring back more of His children to be able to Live Real!

,באהבה עזה

 Yekusiel

Although my main year celebration was Thursday, I had an unplanned addition to it over Shabbos.

As I was coasting my way through pesukei dezimra my mind was wandering to all sorts of random places. Somehow, a video I had seen a few months ago flickered through. The video was of R' Osher Eiseman saying Nishmas shortly after his years long legal battle came to an official end.

Thursdays celebration was mainly celebrating my personal freedom after having lived through 15 years of slavery and pain. However, my celebration did not include the eibeshter as much as it could've.

Today, I thought back over the tremendous yad hashem that I have seen over the past year. The amount of hatava and siyata dishmaya is incredible. The hashgacha pratis that has come into play to arrange for me to break out of this stuff is beyond belief. For years I lived in such darkness thinking that there's no light at the end. All of a sudden the light shone bright and clear! There's a way out of this mess! The difference from almost one moment to the next can only be orchestrated from above.

נשמת כל חי תברך... והמתיר אסורים... ואילו פינו... עד הנה עזרונו רחמיך... על כן אברים שפלגת בנו...יודו ויברכו וישבחו...

And more tears...

Lichvod Reb IWLR,

A huge belated Mazel tov on this tremendous milestone!
Nothing I can possibly write here can do justice to the amount of hakaras hatov i have for what you've done for me.

A drop less than three months ago, I was drowning in an ocean of mud. The undercurrent was pulling me down deeper and deeper as I watched myself crossing lines I had always thought were simply uncrossable.

I had always knows that my lust struggle affected me (and my family) on every level but I simply had no idea how to properly address it. I tried to deal with it by making firm commitments and basically just desperately hoping that it would just go away so that I could finally start living a truly productive life. But the problem was only getting worse. And then it started to really spiral out of control.

I never thought for a second that my yeshua would come about the way that it did. Actually connecting to others about this was for me an unfathomable concept. I thought that even if I would be able to muster up the guts to share everything about my struggle with someone, no one would truly understand me. I figured that anyone else that was busy with the garbage that I was busy with must not really be interested in changing. And people who were struggling and wanted desperately to get help, just couldn't be as deep in as I was. As I'm writing this I'm realizing how conceited that sounds. But think it I did. Boy was I wrong.

When I came on gye around 3 months ago, until then I had never properly checked out the site. For some reason, because of the device I was using and its settings, I couldn't fully view the forums and therefore had no idea that there were actual real people like me active here. Bchasdei Hashem, I did find the partner program though and desperately, although a bit skeptically, submitted my request for a partner.

Iwlr, you are constantly on the lookout for someone else that can be rescued from the depths of despair and loneliness. On the forums, the partner and mentor program, your BMG signs, and most recently your tremendous undertaking of raising awareness amongst the rabbanim.

Its not surprising that it was you who first found me and reached out. Not a few hours after submitting my partner request we began our conversation via email. Then, that first phone conversation when I almost immediately guessed who you were by your voice.

My dear longtime friend iwlr,

My eyes are tearing as I write this. Imagine we would have known all those years ago what Hashem really had in mind. That close childhood friendship was, like everything else, the yad Hashem orchestrating His master plan. I think about the beginning. The events that led to your parents move... Our fathers' friendship... Our shared hobbies and interests.... (Even the fact that I was and always will be better than you at kugelach)

I truly feel Hashem holding my hand. Its all so clear. After so many lonely years of crying painful tears, in one moment He allowed me a glimpse of His constant presence.

You were with me that night. We experienced it together and neither of us will ever forget it.

May the gilui hashkacha pratis we were both zoche to witness this year be with us throughout this Rosh Hashanah as we daven that the world's sheker, distractions, and confusion come to an end so that all will be able to proclaim with inner calm and joy

 ה' אלוקי ישראל מלך ומלכותו בכל משלה


From the bottom of my heart, I wish you, everyone here on gye, and the entire klal yisroel a כתיבה וחתימה טובה and a gut gebenched yur!!


Your close friend,

MinHamayim