Keep going dear friend, you are doing a great job! Filling up your time with learning is the best thing to do!

33 days BH!

bh today i had a special hatzlacha, i had to attend a simcha and these can often be for me triggering situations.
i prepped myself before and made a firm decision to keep as far from difficult spots as possible (like the entrance and the mechitzah area) and not to allow my eyes to wander.
i also texted HHM to let him know that i will be i a challenging situation and that i plan to guard my eyes.
BH it was succesfull!

zzz613 wrote on 25 Oct 2023 02:10:

Very well done.
Planning ahead can be key to trying situations.

If we fail to plan, we plan to fail....

 a gut voch

Bh im holding 44 days!!
ive been very busy the last few and havent had much time recently to check in.

i had initially intended to write some of my experiences and thoughts but i see that wont really happen but i do commit to staying around and keeping updated here.

Keep up the amazing work! You seem to have a lot to offer, and to be very committed and determined. 
With Hashem's help, you'll get there!
Stick around and keep us updated, please share more. Looking forward to get to know you better!

For now, here's a warm hand!
Chaim

How do you always keep your hands warm in this weather?

מזמור שיר חנוכת הבית!

today BH was my 50th day, 7 weeks and 1 day.
its meaningful for me because
,1. thats beyond my biggest ever clean period of 7 weeks that i experienced a few years ago,
but whats even more meaningful to me is
2. i sort of feel like i went through my own "sefiras Haomer" of 49 days in which the Yidden went out the מט שערי טומאה and on day 50 were elevated to receive the Torah.

ה אלקי, שועתי אליך ותרפאני
Hashem has heard my tefilos for a pure clean life.

ה העלית מן שאול נפשי
Hashem pulled me out of the black depths of perverseness.

כי רגע באפו חיים ברצונו, בערב ילין בכי ולבוקר רנה
we may have hard moments, but if hold on tight we'll experience the light afterwards.

ה ברצנך העמדת להררי עז, הסתרת פניך הייתי נבהל
without hashems help we cant make it, we're done.

אליך ה אקרא, ואל ה אתחנן
oh to you Hashem i plead.

what gain will you have when i sink into shmutz?!

הפכת מספדי למחול לי!
you have turned over my life from a sad, pitying, self loathing life, and have given me a lebike lichtike life!!

למען יזמרך כבוד ולא ידום
i  must live up and repay Hashem for his wonderful gift  he has given me!!

Sounds like you are ready to start helping others.....

bh been doing well
im holding 65 days by now

bh 2 months clean, thats really a big chunk of time.
which allows the feeling that there is life without this really take hold.

Amazing!!
The feeling you are describing, I think, is one that Iwannalivereal has posted about a lot recently, and I have thought about a lot.

When a guy is trying to stop smoking, for a long time he is a "non-practicing smoker". At a certain point, he becomes a "non-smoker" who used to smoke. Though the urges may still hit him strongly from time to time, it's different. Because his newfound sense of identity is something real. And if you're a guy who has pleasure in being a non-smoker, it's a gooood feeling.

Obviously, the stuff that made the guy turn to nicotine in the first place needs to be addressed, and can blindside him. But if things are going well, there's a lot to celebrate when you feel that its settling in, as you are describing, brother.  BH!  

LiChayim!!
Chaim Oigen

its been a long time since i wrote and bh im still there clean.

i recently had a baby and the last few weeks have been very busy and difficult, busy enough that i dont remember what day im holding, and although i remember the day i started im too tired and drained to make the cheshbon to where im holding.

but BH ive been clean this entire time and it hasnt pulled me down.
i was very worried about this as ive read from many others how a time like this can often lead to resuming old bad habits.
im therefore so thankfull to Hashem that he helped so that i dont take the great bracha he gave me and let it pull me away from him.

i do know that im close to 3 months, and it very exciting when i get a chance to think of that.

Mazeltov on your baby.

As hard as it may be, with having a newborn and family, take some time for yourself as well.

Mazel tov! May you be zoche to see much Yiddish Nachas from him/her Gezunterheyt un Reinerheyt!

It is absolutely incredible that you made it through clean (I failed), Do you mind to share what helped you so that others may learn and gain?

And please keep sharing more often, we missed you!

Thanks.
True self

today is 3 months from when i started this journey.

3 months ago my wife found on the computer pages i had left open (in my tiredness i forgot to shut them as i usually would, it was past 2 at that time and i had fallen asleep while watching whatever it was).

amongst all the pain tears and numbness at that time i promised both to myself (once again....) and to her that this is it and im finally going to put a end this.
though inside i had big doubts if its really possible.
but BH im here 3 months later and im clean.
a big shoutout to HHM for his guidance and support.
and to bright with whom im in touch (not enough)

(stam its funny that just a week before she found me i was thinking to myself how this is crazy and i got to stop and i know that i cant do it alone and i need outside help, but i thought how theres no way i can do that without  her knowing so i left it and then a week later......)