When i started with gye, i was kinda thinking that it would be just another thing to try that wouldn't work. I tried a bunch of different ways before. But if you commit to getting involved over here, im certain that you'll see crazy improvements you didn't think were possible. Its going to take time and effort, but you're one day going to look back and be amazed

Thanx for the chizuk, i will wait and see,
so far its not bad here, people r really caring for me!!!!!
full credit for gye!

ok even if i am new to this site i will try to answers
because i am not new to this struggle  
1) the struggle will never go away from you, let this be clear to you will deal with it your whole life, period.
2) to combat it you will have to work hard in the beginning no question about it. but the reward is your life. 
3) do you really want to stop ?  if not, make a choice, lets be open maybe its not worth the effort?. maybe you wana stay like this your whole life?, maybe  its ok for you ? do you feel it kills you. do you feel your life depends on your success in getting clean.  .
4) only now can we get to the question why are you acting out, is it just for fun or maybe to escape pain, boredom, is it an a adicction.....
i feel your pain dont stop trying you will have to go through a lot of soul searching look into yourself and you will succeed  

In life we buy things. What are we willing to spend? We all start with the money, which we like, with varying degrees. How much are we willing to spend? That depends on what it is worth to us. For some people getting maftir is very important, so they are willing to spend tons of money. Some people see no reason to spend any money on maftir. Every person will only spend what he thinks it worth to him. 
Our Yiddishkeit costs. We have to give up many things for it. Our health costs. A lot. 
What you have to ask yourself is, how precious is my Yiddishkeit to me? Is it worth giving up the heavy price of forgoeing certain pleasures? How about my health? By that I mean sexual health and being a normal, well-balanced human being who does not engage in unhealthy practices. The guy who's doctor warns him  that he's a prediabetic, and he sees a food that he knows he shouldn't eat, he's gotta decide, from a logical point, do I really want to watch my health? After he decides, we can talk about tactics to help him enforce his decision
So my dear friend, I'm very happy that you are here. This is a great place, it has helped me, it has helped others. It's a wonderful family where we help each other. And we are so glad you are here with us. It's a great thing that you did what you can and went to therapy. I think the first question you have to answer yourself is, I have a life that I enjoy. Is the life I want to live worth the price it will cost me to achieve? Noone else can answer that question. Yes, your desire to grow, evident from the fact that you are here, is great. There is lots to learn, alot of really helpful stuff. I know what I hope your answer is. You gotta answer that question yourself. 
We are here for you, my friend. Now and always
Feel free to reach out if you so desire

eliklein wrote on 04 Oct 2023 17:51:

If you would not want to stop, you would not come to GYE. The good news is you don't need to stop - and you can't stop.
Hashem created you with this special drive and it's for your benefit. The next step is to figure out how you will channel it in a way that will bring the best results for you and for the world around you. 

As you can see from this forum, many many people struggle with lust on some level, and a high percentage have stumbled in these areas as well. Even Tzadikim of previous generations struggled in this area (as they mention “the sins of their youth”), so you can imagine that those who seek purity in a generation such as ours are truly from Hashem’s greatest warriors! You can also see here that so many who thought they are hopeless - are now clean for a long time... 

The Zohar says that there can be no light if it doesn’t come first through the darkest darkness. Even in a state of deep darkness, we must recognize that Hashem is with us, loves us, and is hiding Himself only so that we will ultimately be able to appreciate His light so much more. Hashem is always ready to help us, as soon as we are ready to let Him.

Stay connected and keep us posted - we need you!

eliklein wrote on 04 Oct 2023 17:51:

“I did everything and ruined my life”.
Your opportunity right now is take the life that you have right now (No matter how bad it is and how low you have sunk) and use that life to grow close to hashem by turning now in the right direction.  If you do that you will find that nothing is ruined at all.