Hi all! 
40 yr old guy here. Married with 3 kids. I just signed up last night and am super excited to start working on myself. 

So, here is my dilemma. I mentioned that I am married, but the thing is that my wife wants to get divorced. The (main) reason she wants to divorce: my porn use.

At the present time, we are still living together and I am trying my hardest to convince her to give our marriage of almost 20 years one more shot.

I do want to add that although we had a very healthy sex life for most of our marriage, we have not touched in over 16 months (her decision). 

I haven’t really tried stopping porn, but last time I tried I was successful for 2 weeks. Being that I do not have any intimacy, I feel as though I can work on the porn aspect, but really do not desire to stop masturbating. Perhaps masturbating will be my next step. 

is there a way to change my setting so that my streak reflects only porn and not masturbating?

I look forward to hearing back from anyone and everyone. 

Thank you!

  

welcome. its great that you are excited to work on yourself. I am confused by why you do not desire to work on masturbating? If you are fantisizing it will make it much harder to work on the porn addiction.

Either way, you will find many people here that will welcome you and try to help with your struggle.

Given the amount that you have at stake right now, i would also urge you to consider a sex addiction therapist if that is a possibility.

Welcome to the club!

I believe too that cutting Porn out and not masturbation is not a real start, but that’s totally your choice. 

Is there more to your sex issues which is why your wife is being more tough? Hard to know because you haven’t shared. Take your time to acclimate - we are here for you!

However I don’t agree with Vekam that you necessarily need a sex addiction therapist based off your 1st post.

You need a real commitment and determination to cut porn and masturbation out, and many therapists can help. Are you ready?

Light up the night tonight!!

Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply. I am a realist, and I don’t want to fail. I am taking this one step at a time. 

I will consider the therapist though. 

Could be...
Or your just in denial...

i understand the one step at a time. when i started my journey i did not attempt to work on masturbation. for me, it changed very quickly to include masturbation too. you can read a bit about it on my thread if you want.

Shmuel wrote on 26 Dec 2022 02:37:

Shmuel, you’d also take a small step if you don’t want to fail. It’s not called denial. 

On the other hand living in comfort zone can leave us in the dark  and who wants that?

Markz wrote on 26 Dec 2022 03:14:

Could be...
Or I would take small steps because I'm afraid of actually succeeding...

Welcome to the club!



“I believe too that cutting Porn out and not masturbation is not a real start, but that’s totally your choice. 



Is there more to your sex issues which is why your wife is being more tough? Hard to know because you haven’t shared. Take your time to acclimate - we are here for you!



However I don’t agree with Vekam that you necessarily need a sex addiction therapist based off your 1st post.



You need a real commitment and determination to cut porn and masturbation out, and many therapists can help. Are you ready?



Light up the night tonight!!“


I don’t generally jump to recommend sex addiction therapists for someone that is struggling with pornography.  However given that the op is already dealing with conversations regarding divorce I do believe that professional intervention would be the best route to help maintain the marriage.  The people at Relief have been very helpful to me in the past in recommending the right person based on the specific circumstances.  

Hi S314! Welcome to the brotherhood! We are all here for you and we care to see you succeed. I just love the way you started "I'm super excited to start working on myself". Of course everyone here is trying to become better, but the positive energy flowing from your post, a fellow who is super excited to become better, it is gevaldig! You came to the right place, we want to hear from you. One question that I didn't understand clearly from your first post, is the reason your wife stopped intimacy 16 months ago the same as the reason she wants out, namely your porn use? If yes, can I ask what you did the past 16 months to try stop using porn? Keep posting and stick around, there are lots of good things to learn and wonderful people to 'get to know'. Wishing you tons of Hatzlacha on your journey!