Finally starting a thread to introduce myself.
i want to start by thanking the great organization GYE, the founders, mentors and all the members, for this wonderful community. The support and inspiration you bring to me and all the rest of us is imeasurably life-changing.

On Rosh Hashanah at the Tashlich prayers, I noticed that part of the prayer can be aptly applied to many of us here. 

"Ubnei Yisroel amcha..." Free them and rescue them from the watery expanse, from alien power. Rescue them from the mire so that they sink not... Lead them on a straight route to an inhabited city. Save them from the grips of every enemy or ambusher along the way. As for all those unjustly imprisoned in dungeons ... Release their shackles, liberate them...

I hope to share more about myself another time.
Have a great new year!!!

Waiting to hear from you.......!!!!



looking forward to hearing how you made it to 238 days clean!!

Hi everyone. Sad and happy that I lost my streak.

I was clean for over 2 years and a few days ago, a friend told me that a certain software just got a loophole. I should have not checked it out, but I did

Interesting thing - I wrote more but it all got erased.
I put in an emoji and all the text that followed was deleted. 

I'll try to continue later.  But that is just like life. Sometimes a mistake happens and you feel bad. Just keep on climbing!

I'm so sorry to hear. and sorry I didn't get to read the part that got erased. 

frank.lee wrote on 19 Sep 2023 07:48:

Sounds rough .
If you were clean for two years that means you have it in you ! 
( everyone has it in them even if they werent clean for 2 years - but you know it already )
ROCK ON !

A guy like you doesn't need to hear from any of us. For those reading, please remind them that it's not about your streak, it's about today
Keep inspiring us all! 2 years! WOW!

Dear Frank.lee, please do repeat the deleted part, it may give us some encouragement/insight on how you are dealing with this. Thanks!

frank.lee wrote on 19 Sep 2023 07:48:

Im amazed at your positive outlook after the fall. 

Thanks for the replies and always great content and camaraderie here. 

I will try to continue my thoughts. Just some basic, obvious things. 

1. Watch out for the yetzer hara of curiosity. Like, I'm not looking for anything bad, just want to see if my filter would block this thing,  or I wonder what kind of content is on that, or what is able to get through this loophole.. Stay away and stay strong. Don't think about this, don't look.

2. It is much easier to stay clean when in a clean place, even with thoughts of maybe I should check out.. than once a person is in the middle of looking at stuff close to the edge... so be smart.

More later

3. Why happy? Because it shows that I am still alive BH! I still have challenges, still can get reward for overcoming desires of looking at inappropriate things. Thankful for the past, thankful that I am doing well and BeH with siyata dishmaya will keep clean. BH it was not a big fall. 

4. Jump right back on, don't let the fall make me think I am weak, that I can fall more etc Chas veshalom.

5. Thanks for all of you for being a bastion of strength and support, making me a stronger, healthier person!
Gmar chasima tova!!

2 Years.. you are a hero. In the eyes of Hashem you are higher then malachim. They never had this test and held out for two years. You did. Don't think about it any more.. move forwards and focus on the special days ahead.. You are a Tzaddik Nistar and iyH you will move forwards and go on to greater things.. don't let the YH ever tell you otherwise.. Mamush a hero.. that is what you are. Wishing you a Gmar Tov and may Hashem grant you much mazel and Brocho and may you always feel close to Him. 

I know this has been addressed countless times on this forum but I’ll ask again. Why is that so many of us (speaking for myself more than anyone else) get so taken aback and depressed when we fall after a long clean streak? If we would learn consistently for 200 days and then one day skip Seder we don’t feel that way. Why is with this YH of ours are we so into thinking that “oy I fell, oy I’m messed up for life” ? Is it because we’ve been addicted for so long and the the realization that it’s not fully behind us for ever is just depressing? 
Just thinking out loud and curious to hear everyone’s thoughts (sorry if I’m hijacking the thread).
Anyways Frank.Lee, 2 years is incredible, IYH I’ll get there one day but even more incredible is you attitude that you’re right back up and marching forward, gives me chizuk. 

frank.lee wrote on 20 Sep 2023 07:32:

AMEN!!
Please keep these posts coming. Your heart and wisdom is apparent, as it has been in your many posts to others. 
Looking forward to getting to know you better in this context!

With a lot of admiration and respect, 
Chaim

Thanks Taherlibeinu and yud909. I think it was actually less than a year. 

I think it is sad because people hope it is actually behind them. BH bli ayin hara, it was not m and not really p, just looking for and at not tznius imagery, while looking to just test out the system. I would probably be more hurt if it was more of an action. Even though I do know that you can never be complacent. 

That reminds me, on a different thread I saw someone made a point about not obsessing with not looking. I hear the point. To live relaxed and focus on the next thing. To be able to live life and not focus.

But not that the end goal for me is to be able to see women and not be triggered, not to lust. In theory, yes. But in reality, in halacha, a person should avoid seeing women, not just avoid the second look, the stare, the fantasizing etc.

Thanks Chaim Oigen! The feelings are m