Shtarkandemotional wrote on 20 Jan 2022 18:20:

Yup that's true! Anyone has any Ideas for me? As of now my outlet is youtube and netflix. And that is not the best outlet to have if I am trying to stay clean. I am looking for new outlets.

There sure are better outlets-
Exercise
Go out for a run
Catch up on errands
Catch up with friends and family
Learn something
Read a book
Eat ice cream
Make a smoothie
Make a Duncan Hines cake
Grill a steak
Weave a basket
Arts&crafts project
Learn to sew a button (very handy BTW)

Enjoy!

For short clips check out Aish.com's Jtube or try gruntig.com

Its very interesting. I'm getting less and less nervous about the concept of not masturbating bh.  

Good 4 you 
I noticed even after stopping porn if I continue masturbating it makes me wanna watch more  a day or 2 later
So keep up your streak 
And remember even if you fall 
Get right back up because if not it's double as hard later

The "low level" sexualizing is expected. as we BH get clean, our subconscious really wants "it's fix". So it makes us notice everything on the street that we never really concentrated on before (because we had much more thrilling and exciting stuff online...), and it makes us fantasize as soon as we start spacing out. This is also why many guys get wet dreams at this point, which should also be ignored because it is just a desperate attempt of the subconscious to get "the real thing". With time, Bh this subsides and fades. Meanwhile, as mentioned, find healthy diversions as soon as you consciously realize you are heading "south". Hatzlocha buddy!

I think its time for an update. I'm bh 36 days clean from porn, phone sex, and masturbation. It is incredible. It is double incredible being that I was and still am scared to refrain from masturbating for too extended of a period. (I'm still nervous that if I'm not motzi zera... what will be when the time has come.... if I will be healthily able to be motzi zera.)
I have had 5 instances of waking up wet so that still calmed/calms me down and makes the anxiety a little easier.


I am having a new challenge now. I'm posting it to share and hopefully catch some support and ideas.

In the summer and the winter I'm 2 totally different human beings. I'm literally a different person. I have 2 totally different personality's, I have different feelings and I'm overall way louder, outgoing, all over the place, and uncentered during the summer. I'm way less focused during the summer and I stop feeling a lot of my feelings (dissociative). I feel all over the place and I don't have a feeling of "me".

This makes me have a really hard time not masturbating, because I don't feel like I'm connected to my body.

Its hard to put into words, but its almost as if when I masturbate, I'm not the one masturbating. I don't feel like I just did anything to myself. I also don't feel connected to my streak, because I don't feel like its my streak. I don't feel proud about my accomplishments because I don't feel attached to me.


In phycological terms its called depersonalization/derealization.



Its so much harder for me to care to not lust (or low level lust) because I don't feel like I'm doing anything. I don't connect what I did to myself.  As an example, I don't feel guilt because I don't feel connected to the person that did something guilty. (me). 

Its a hard concept to grasp. Anyone feel like they understand?

First of all congradulations on such a long streak! Keep it up!
Second of all, I feel for you, that is really hard. It's impressive how you understand your emotions, that is already half the problem solved.
I find that for so many people myself included it's the emotional struggle that makes it so hard to stay clean, It's when our emotions start taking control over us that we feel the need to act out. I don't have any ideas to help out other than saying I can understand how hard it is not to act out when there is emotional turmoil, and kol hakavod to you for being so many days clean with all the emotional challenges that you have.
It defiantly shows how committed you are for thinking in advance of your triggers that will arise.

So I feel like its time for me to tune in to myself a little and not lose track. I'm clean BH. I don't think about phone sex regularly anymore. I haven't masturbated in 54 days. As I'm saying this I'm thinking to myself how incredible that is. 

​I actually had a dream where there was a tv with "illicit content".......... and I turned it off and avoided masturbating!! Its super cool how the brain works. My brain has actually switched to the point that even subconsciously in a dream I don't want to masturbate or watch porn. Thank you Hashem

I am seeing that I actually view woman as humans for the first time in my life and not as some strange type of non relatable species. Thank you Hashem.

That being said I'm noticing that my uninvolvement in the struggle has its challenges as well. I'm not as prepared when I do have a challenge. I'm noticing the times that I'm down sad or depressed to be almost the same difficult as in the beginning.

I also have to keep in mind this is not an all or nothing battle. Bein Hazmanim is going to be hard. I cant let myself think, "if I lose my streak, screw it" 

I WILL NOT GIVE IN !!!!!!!!!!!!  6 more days till 60. Very exciting!

Double down on the small things that make a difference.
For me I read a little bit of battle of the generation each night.
Recently I started another thing. I try to remember when I kiss my tzitzis during shma (even just one time) to have in mind that hashem loves me. I find it very powerful.
Find the things that work for you.

For the first time since i started a real effort to challenge myself to stop masturbating i was at a nonfiltered computer. I always envisioned that moment as being the moment my streak collapses.

-I told myself. I WILL NOT GIVE IN. I needed to prove myself that its not just about gedarim. Its also about biulding an inner resistance and fortitude, to be able to confidently tell ourselves "I Can hold myself back and i will hold myelf back.

Bh i succeeded in the challenge. I finnally prove to myself that im able to be on an unfiltered computer, be tired, upset, and not give in. 

Now that i proved myself that i can do it, i am now officially..........................A NON-PORN WATCHER anymore. Sorry Mrs and Mr Porn. Find someone else to keep up at 5 AM hungry tired and numb to life.

Human being wrote on 27 Feb 2022 14:33:

It's great that you stood up, but putting yourself into situations where you may fall isn't usually a great idea

Human being wrote on 27 Feb 2022 14:33:

Wow this is incredible! Standing ovation to you! Im super impressed with you buddy! It’s incredible that you withstood through that situation! But to me the most incredible is how you have such a good mindset your ahead of all the people that still have the filter fighting for them! Your building who you really are! Filter or not! To me this seems to be the key to success in this area! We ARE building our value system! Filter or not! loophole or not! Cleaning lady’s phone or hotel room! We don’t do XYZ cuz we’re clear! We know where it takes us! We know what it’s all about it’s emptiness! This is an amazing step you reached! The mindset is incredible! Keep it up YOUR inspiring all of GYE.

Keep on ingraining this clarity! You’ll have it with you for life! It’s so important! 

Human being wrote on 27 Feb 2022 14:33:

You are a hero! You are proving that "it can be done" b'ezras Hashem. Keep inspiring. May Hashem protect you from nisyonos (like unsafe devices sitting right in front of you), but may you have the ability to say NO! when a nisayon arises.