smokey wrote on 04 Sep 2024 21:19:

It’s the beginning of the zman blues. See the post of stop surviving. Once you get into learning, your lust will subside. Chodesh elul in yeshiva will lift you up. 

hopefulswan89 wrote on 04 Sep 2024 22:49:

Hey hey
Baruch Hashem  I'm doing amazing.
I'm feeling great about myself, exercising, learning and connecting to great people around me and trying to avoid triggering areas and making myself as least vulnerable as possible (for falls, I love being vulnerable and connecting to males around me)
I'm not sure if it's the kedushas haaretz, OR it's the great environment, rabbeim and structure I have set up for me over here bh that's causing me to be shteiging away, probably a combination of both 
Thanks so much to all these that reached out to me with love and support.
If anyone is in the holy land and would like to meet im Definitely open to making myself vulnerable and hopefully being mechazek each other.

Keep up the great work everyone!!!
(P.s. if you pm me with your Hebrew name im happy to try to daven for you by the kosel)

Loving life and everything it has to offer,

Striving to shteig Smokey

smokey wrote on 09 Sep 2024 12:06:

Awesome! I'm so happy for you my Brother 

It's definitely a lot of YOU too

Continued Hatzlacha!

I'm super frustrated

Life is just full of highs and lows, I feel like I can't take it, it's a emotional rollercoaster and I'm so sensitive to itI doesn't feel good to not be feeling good

Im feeling the pain of feeling down so strong I don't even want sex as an escape, I am so clear that's not what I need right now, I want to be feeling great and loving life, I want to just breathe in the fresh air and enjoy life.

Life freaking sucks.


Do I need love and validation? Probably.
How will I get it, unsure.Why did god make me like thisSo vulnerable, so needy, so unpredictable, so sensitiveBeing in touch with yourself is amazing, But it comes at a high cost of truly feeling the pain when you're in it


Lacking a love of life

Smokey

Love love love love


It's the four letter word we all need in our life
It's the lack of it that causes so much pain and strife 

But of course a lot of it is just the minds fantasy
Because there's nothing in this world that comes for free

Love won't help u or change your cup of tea
If you don't work on yourself to become someone who can receive

So get up and realize what real life is about 
Cause it ain't about Dopamine hits-I have no doubt 


Learn to live life, while regulating your emotions 

It's not easy at all, And there ain't no magic potion 

But if You learn to do this, while accepting who you are

Trust me My friend this will take you really far

smokey wrote on 10 Sep 2024 21:56:

Hanging around with people that are emotionally supportive can help somewhat with this.  I used to fly across the country for a hug. 

Hey everyone

I'm following the journeys people are posting on their forums and it's incredible, its inspiring honest and real


Regarding me, bh I'm doing pretty well, some days I feel so much pain and have real struggles and some days I have so much love and desire for life, sometimes it's really hard but I've learnt that if I'm not going to really feel my pain, I won't be there to really feel my joy either, it's all about embracing the present moment ( ayin R wolbe speaking about Daas and Eckhart Tolle in the power of now...) and that has been life changing for me, when I'm faced with a urge I try to examine where it's coming from, what part of smokey is uncomfortable and needs me to give it attention, but also I try to understand that the urge is not me, it's a desire that comes and goes, learning to not identify with my mind and the thoughts it produces has helped me tremendously.



When I started out this battle I was very much into streaks, it was all about 30 and then 90 days, when I would masturbate on day 12 I masturbated 2 or 3 times to "chap arein" before I started the streak again
this cycle repeated itself multiple times, and was a big part of my journey. I made it once to 30 something days and then another time to 47 but I paid big time for it, the rest of the 2 years I spent fighting for the streaks, and feelings like a failure because I consistently fell short

When I started working with a coach we started a different strategy, where i stopped caring about streaks, I barely even cared when I acted out, all I cared about was "why"
Why did I act out?
what situation was I in or feeling like and what can I do to not get myself in this situation again or help myself when I'm in it.
I amassed tonz of data and became a much healthier person, however I rarely used willpower to stop myself in a urge, there were times when I was very aware why I was acting out- I would think I'm feeling vulnerable and lonely and I'm going to give in to this escape, but since I prioritized data and accepted myself so much for my struggle I didn't really fight head on in the moment, I also did not beat myself up at all for falling And could go on with regular life after I fall no problem.Obviously as you can see there was pros and cons to this mehalech, But for me, I think that's what I needed as a reset to get out of the streak mindset, I finally realized how much I graduated out of it, When recently I realized these days when I fall it's pretty much just once and I move on that was never the case for me, it always used to be whenever I fell once, upwards of 80 percent of the time I fell again in the next 24 hours, the vicious cycle mindset owned me, bh now that's no longer the case, and I'm learning how to be in touch with every urge and help myself out right at the beginning stages of an urge before it can over power me when I'm vulnerable.
Why am I writing this now? recently I started getting more active on gye and Im checking in with the 90 day chart, I really want to get there however I want to do it in a healthy way, I can't let the streak hijack my journey, the falls are part of it and I have to be able to accept that, however I do believe with a healthy mindset I can fight towards that goal taking it day by day
I'm now looking forward to make it to day 15!!

One day at a time and we'll make it there
together 

Striving to shteig and overcome the battle one moment at a time-ahh deep breath in and embrace the present moment with all its joys and struggles!

It's all about one day at a time

breathe in deeply and try to truly internalize "Life is a journey not a destination"

It's a pathway and a training ground, success is not defined by where u are at this point in life Rather how you continued fighting and pushed through countless struggles.
It's about the guy that fell so many times that he thought he couldn't fall worse or again, and still you pushed through and got back up.

Imagine you didn't go through your struggles would you want to be a regular medicore guy, who doesn't think deeply about life?
Would you rather be someone who doesn't realize what affects them, doesn't have emotional awareness, and doesn't value or appreciate the vulnerability and relationships humans can offer each other

Forget about marriage for a second, what about your relationship with yourself, are you comfortable or uncomfortable with you? Is there a tzad that this struggle didn't bring you closer to your own inner world?  The struggles and desires that at times can be so hard, is what brings out the beauty of us being human, and forcing us to be honest with ourselves and realize what we need to give ourselves what we need to take away from ourselves so we can be the healthiest and best version of ourselves.Im not a expert in parenting and what you should talk to him about kedusha, but I do know one thing,  if you can't have at least one uncomfortable conversation with your child that's not reflection of a open and honest relationship with him,
but huge point here-if you never dealt with a uncomfortable moment and struggle with yourself, how on Earth would you expect to have that conversation with your child from an open honest and authentic standpoint ( obviously you can soldier through and just follow the script but is that what we're trying to build here?) all I'm trying to bring out here, all of us here that are fighting and battling this huge battle, let's take a moment to step back and appreciate it, no matter how many times you fall this is building you up to be the real person that we all want to be, there's no way around it, it doesn't come for free, Mr perfect who never battled through will never relate to the struggles of his children and the people around him struggles, and will always try to avoid the uncomfortable moments of life, is that who you want to be? Is it so beautiful to have a picture perfect resume but a medicore (at best) inside because you never were forced to work on yourself?


For me the answer is pretty clear. 

Obviously it's super hard to value this point in middle of the struggle, but if you can zoom out and appreciate how much life experience and skills you are gaining now, it can make you so much more happy and motivated to fight this battle.


Keep fighting and keep the inner flame alive and smoking,


Smokey

Hey guys hope everyone is doing well

I just decided to go to Uman for Rosh Hashanah!
(I was there 3 years ago and had a profound and life impacting experience)

Firstly if anyone else is going and would like to meet up to be mechazek each other please pm me

Second I'm posting here for accountability and advice

Travel makes me so much more vulnerable as just happened to me when I flew to Israel.

I'm going to be flying and then going on really long bus/train rides. I can feel lonely, frustrated and sad, without a safe place to go, to calm myself, journal or meditate, how am going to handle all this along with being overtired without sleep

I want to use this is a training ground to learn how to be strong even when I travel and give myself what I need when I'm in such a vulnerable state

Any input would be greatly appreciated.


Smokey

smokey wrote on 27 Sep 2024 08:28:

Shalom Brother Smokey,
Wow, that is such a special thing.

I think the best thing you can do is prepare yourself ahead of time. You already know the majority of what will test you, so figure out now how you will avoid and redirect as needed.

Do you have books, sefarim, shiurim, a machzor, games, and eye-mask, or whatever you need to keep busy on the plane / train? It's hard that you can see everyone's little movie screens, and some of the movies have nudity - which I think is the dumbest thing, since kids are on the plane. Like what?!?!
Planes have stewardesses. Be polite, look only at their eyes briefly and interact as a kiddush haShem.
For me, I behave better when I wear a white dress shirt (which I don't normally wear during the week), so I have been especially wearing one if I travel.
If you are out and about wandering, the things that pop up will be unexpected and more difficult to react to. Focus on what you are there for, which is a holy and special Rosh Hashana. Meditate on the experience you want to have before you go, and then call that into your mind if anything threatens to derail your mission. Find your comfort zone and keep it nearby. Have a safe space and a good person to connect to and help draw you away from distractions.

Have an amazing time, and please daven for all of your friends at GYE and everywhere that want help getting closer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu.

הודו לה' כי טוב כי לעולם חסדו


I'm in the airport now, flying out in 3 hours bezh to the holy land I spent over 25 hours traveling each way to Uman, there were times I was so vulnerable, and  even in Uman there were times I felt really lonely, I could have spent tonight in clubs in Krakow, but Baruch Hashem I pulled through and didn't have one fall throughout my whole journey!!

The yad hashem that was with me throughout my whole trip that's not even over yet was incredible 
The data I'm taking out is like this,  Travel itself is not what makes you so vulnerable that causes you to fall, it's travel without planning before is what makes you vulnerable,

understanding before you travel that  you will potentially be in be in vulnerable situations, and what am going to do about it when it comes up, this is not just about travel, having a game plan for what am I going to do when I feel lonely, have uncomfortable emotions, or need a breather can be all the difference in this battle,

It's being in touch and honest with yourself.What do I need to shteig and to be able to thrive? it's about giving yourself what you need and having realistic expectations of yourself. This is how I was able to fight so strong in this battle.

Overcoming this battle one moment at a time!!!

Celebrating 34 days clean Baruch Hashem!!

Smokey 

Does that mean Rosh Hashanah was day 30??? 

WOW!!! What a korban to be makriv, and to be עומד לפני המלך!!!

Safe travels!

- Yiftach'l 

smokey wrote on 07 Oct 2024 01:41:

This knowledge is gold!!
You now know where the real battlefield is.
Going forward will be immeasurably easier to fight the right fight. Now you know your foe.
FIGHT ON, BABY!
With the right vigilance, you got this.

KOMT!

Thanks so much for the support!

I'm flying out soon back to America soon
I'm feeling so vulnerable, and I have to stay up until my flight
I need support, I'm not sure how I'm going to do this I really want to act out

A. We are all cheering you on and can't wait to hear that you made it!