I met a zonah last night and i did an aveirah i want to do teshuva and need chizuk!

4 views and no one is helping

Welcome Yid !
Welcome home!  There are many here who have been (and some who still are) where you are right now.

You want to do Tshuva.  For that you can see the RMB"M.  But if this is part of a larger, ingrained pattern of thought and behavior (lust addiction), then what you need is Recovery.  For that, you need the stuff you'll find here.  You'll be getting a welcome package soon with some reading that will kickstart your new beginning.

Feel free to share more of your story with us, so we (including you) know where you are and how you got there.

Here's to your new start!
Alex

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

ayid33 wrote on 02 Sep 2011 15:34:

There's always people here for the first time, and they tend to read the posts on top first.  They don't necessarily know yet how to respond.

PLEASE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP

what is ur problem care about another jew

A yid - Shulem Aleichem,

Did a aveira? so did all of us here, You are upset about it? So are all of us here. Thats why we are here. First of all you seem to be panicking sit down and join us. There is help but you can not panic now.

Please tell us more about yourself so we can help you and share with you what helped us. Is this the first time doing something like this? Do you have issues with porn or anything like that? Tell more about yourself (without any info that would that would reveal who you are) So you can get the appropriate help.

Many here have been in your shoes and have/are getting helped. You came here for help and that is the first step for your teshuva. Now lets move up to the next step and tell us about your life/situation.. your matzav so you can get real advice.

start posting my friend,

hm

Reb Yid,

You sound like you're a little freaked out by what you did last night.  It's over now.  You're not the first frum guy to visit a zonah.

There's plenty of help here.  And it's mostly in the form of directing you toward the work that only you can do.  So you'll need to channel your energy in the right direction, which right now is in reading the materials in your welcome package.

But let me ask you, what is so upsetting?  Is it guilt?  Or maybe fear that you've just taken your lusting to a whole new level and don't know how to escape?

We're listening.  Help us
Alex

Lechaim - Whether its internet addiction, masturbating, porn, massage parlors, prostitution, or worse its all the same problem in different clothing.

We are all here because we are/were involved in some form of this problem.. So yes lots of people here may have advice on what worked for them that can help him.

Ayid33 - join us my friend it will be work, Let us know were your holding.

How to do tshuva, how to be m'sakeyn the chet is not what we're offering to help with here at GYE.  But I don't think Reb Yid is looking for this.  I think he's trying to get a handle on what LED him to the aveira, and what might already be pulling him to the next one.

THAT we can help with.

Your turn AYid33

TESHUVAH IS THE EASY PART

NO ONE WAS EVER TURNED AWAY FROM TESHUVAH

HASHEM IS THE CHANUN HAMARBEH LISLOACH

NO MATTER HOW LOW WE FALL OR FELL

YES MY FREIND YOU ARE FEELING LOW

THAT'S THE GOOD PART

IT WOULD BE WORSE IF YOU DIDNT

IF YOU NEED HELP DOING TESHUVAH

TALK TO SOMEONE YOU CAN BE OPEN WITH

BUT REMEBER TESHUVAH IS A PROCESS

YOU NEED TO REBUILD YOUR CHARACHTER

IT IS WORK

BUT HASHEM IS THERE FOR U

YOU NEED TO MEND FENCES WITH YOUR SPOUSE IF U ARE MARRIED

IF NOT YOU NEED TO MEND FENCES WITH YOURSELF

I WRITE ALL THIS WITH THE MOST CARE AND SENSITIVITY

I WISH NOT TO MAKE YOU FEEL WORSE

LIKE I SAID FEELING BAD ID IS GOOD

BUT BEING DEPRESSED WILL BRING U RIGHT BACK TO HER AND ALL HER UGLINESS


WE ARE HERE AS FREINDS

HASHEM IS HERE IN THE MOST DARK MOMENT

ayid, all i will say is welcome to GYE. If you are looking for a hand outstretched to reach into you in our situation its here. The Abishter always loves us no matter what and if you desire to return you can and will.

I think the most relevant question (and you dont have to answer ths forum, but yourself) is, is it teshuva you need or recovery.

hey thanks so much everyone for responding, first of all im not married, im single yeshiva bochur, i consider myself a masmid, i wansnt boel the zonah i was motzi zerah levtalah with her hand on my bris, so i dont know if thats called being mezaneh, second of all i think i need teshuvah, and chizuk , i dont know wat u mean by recovery, like today i panicked but i calmed myself and was able to sit and learn torah

First of all, thank you for sitting and learning and being a masmid.  Klal Yisroel certainly needs you.

Without going into a long arichus, my question is
Was this an isolated opportunistic incident, totally out of the blue?
or
Do you have a pattern of fantasizing, masturbating, gazing on the street or in magazines, you've tried repeatedly to stop and keep coming back to it.

If it's the former, then chizuk and tshuva may be all you need.
If it's the latter, you may have lust addiction, and that's where "recovery" comes in.

Alex