How do I feel when I have two options, from which to decide?
And I know what is the right one, deep down inside
"For now  there is no dveikus..perhaps in your life there is sorrow 
"But do the right thing tonight, dear talmid.. Your yeshua IYH WILL come tomorrow
"It is best to stay put- stay status quo
"It is what is in your best interest"..or so I have been told
But alas.. addiction ..atraction ..intense loneliness..fear..
Whispers my fantasy gal..my "night time companion" :
"Come closer my dear!
I will make you feel wanted, guilt free,  and free of your "pursuit of perfection" "Jewish disease
You know sweety ..The lifestyle you tell me which brings you to your knees
She is a confidant strong beauty, warm, aggressive so very charming.. 
So right then I am distorted, of just who I am harming..
My Health. Heart and happiness. My body and soul
Because on this given night: Lust fulfillment, is my only goal
So the fire :SO very hot, burning so very bright 
Providing overpowering sensations, ecctatic delights
And all ties to Torah are severed, when I "jump in"
and let go
Such bone chilling sensations.How I love it so!
But alas all "good' things must come to an end..
And from my drug like joy ride, I abruptly decend
Alas. Intense torturous "burns" on the soles of my feet
Once more I swear: "No more to go through this intense fiery heat !
" Yes this is it self..NO more! This WILL be the very last time"
( A man  of stupidity who can find?")
So the burns are sheer torture! They cover my skin
Such "comfort" to know technically shichvat zerah livatalah is not a sin 
But I have not given up. I am still in this fight.. 
For my soul to know tranquility, and spiritual delights 
Ya know.. maybe way back, I would have known that sexual magic,say, by a campfire and under the light of the moon 
But I couldnt- wouldnt- or mustnt.. for I am an Orthodox Jew
So somewhere deep deep inside. I deny myself a Harlequin like romance
Please please HaKadosh Baruch Hu .. This year..could you give me just one more chance???