Live in the moment.

This addiction is insane...I think I can honestly say I know what people trying to break free from drug abuse feel like. It actually physically hurts not to feed it at times. On day 3 now...things are as tough as ever. I had 2 really great streaks, one over 40 days and one of 20. This time I hope G-D lets me break free. Daven for me please. I really need it.

Eme,
You are very impressive having the honesty to recount after 40 days! I can tell just by reading your posts that YOU CAN DO IT!
-Momo

So after yet another nice little streak, I failed again. Its amazing that when I get into the mood, I just ignore Hashem. My password for k9 is G-Diswatching, but I just type it in and continue looking at filth right after....How can I do something so wrong after reminding myself that G-D can see me? What is wrong with me? I am reaching that point once again, where I feel like the biggest hypocrite and liar every time I apologize to Hashem and ask him to forgive me. Every time I promise, it wont happen again, but then it does. I wonder if I can ever atone correctly for all of this.

I have added dozens of keywords and websites to block on my k9 filter. I changed the password again to one that I dont know. I hope to change the email to someone elses within a day or two. Is anyone here on the computer alot from 8AM till 11PM PST? I would like to use your email for the k9 filter. Please PM me if you think you would be willing to do this.

Today is the start of day one. I hope I never have to return to day 1 ever again.

You can use mine... 11 PM is a little late for Israeli time, but until about 5 PM U.S time I should be around...

See this page for the best way to do this: guardyoureyes.org/?p=24

listen - when i was a teenager a hundred years ago, i used to mast.. after a night of learning on shvuous! how's that for hypocrisy! you're on the way up by admiitting it and feeling bad about it. it'll just take time, that's all.just keep admitting, keep feeling remorse, and there WILL come a time when you wont fall anymore.when this will be noone knows.but if you keep at it, YOU WILL SUCCEED!!! guaranteed!! i love you for what you are doing here, and for fighting this holy battle!

eme,

I can do it for you. contact me privately. I am in the NY area, so the timing may be better for you.

Chazak V'Ematz!

eme wrote on 25 Feb 2009 05:20:


It is helpful to keep in mind that which Chazal said that there is a small organ in the body that if one "satisfies" it, it is hungry. If one keeps it hungry, it is satisfied. BTW, I heard from a great man that this applies to other things also, but for our purposes, the literal meaning is something that can carry the day.
What I understand from here is that it becomes easier with time.

me wrote on 21 Oct 2008 20:01:


Great point!

Finishing day 2. Thank G-D its shabbos.

Dear Eme, we are all "Emcha" (with you).

I'm not trying to undermine a new start, chas veshalom, but Hashem is looking for more than just "new starts". He wants the "new starts" to take us forward each time a little bit more. Do you have a plan? Why will this time be different than other times? What fences have you made around the things that brought you to fall in the past? What new things are you doing to assure that this time you'll do better?

Yeah, Aside from trying to do tshuva, each time I add more into the filter (keywords and sites to block),  and give a nice amount of tzeddaka.

What else should I do?

Those are excellent steps!

I have a new idea. Make a Kabbala that before you actually let yourself fall, you will take a 10 minute brisk walk.

Also, there is so much you can do...

• Are you on the weekly phone conference?


• Do you have a partner/sponsor?


• Have you considered therapy?


• 12-Step groups?


• Are you on the 90-day chart?


• Do you read through tips / past Chizuk e-mails on our website when feeling weak?

guardureyes wrote on 15 Mar 2009 12:03:


What I am b''n going to do if I feel that I'm overwhelmed is either go for a walk first, or read the post "Revelation", plus one or two other posts which I have printed and put in a certain place and say Krias Shma. Or simply do something else. However, the most important thing that I think would help me anyway would be to read that post and one or two others.

It's amazing how if I just take my mind off something that I'm obsessing about, the obsession goes away or at least diminishes for a while anyway at least. The thing is that I didn't actually do this a couple of times and felt that nothing would help. However, now I realize that that is the obsession or addiction talking, and it is at least worth doing what I realize now when I am not obsessing about it consider to be the proper and rational thing to do.

Beautiful reply, Esnachtoh!