Day 11: Ever felt like you needed to release the tension that has been building within you? The longer you've been holding out the more urgent it seems? 

I used to think this was a build up of sexual tension (energy) and if you weren't going to release it through "acting out" you had to find another way to "let it out", if you wanted to stay sane. 

I now think that's a mistake. 

There's a build up of tension all right. It's a neutral tension though. It's created from your worries, your stresses and the bumps you hit in your everyday life. 

There's nothing sexual about it. 

"Acting out" just happens to be a really easy way to release it (and did I mention affordable? Ok don't shoot me, only joking). 

Why does this matter? 

Well firstly, I never so it did, so there! 

I think it does matter a bit though.

For if you feel stressed, feel like you need a release and you recognize that the uncomfortability that you are experiencing has nothing to do with refraining from acting out, it takes away alot of excuses. It shoots just one more arrow into the "I need to" illusion.

Exercising or singing for the addict (I'm not using this word in the clinical sense, just using it for someone who finds it hard not to engage in PMO) are not like soymilk to a non-lactose person. It's not like animal blood for a vampire.(Vampires prefer human blood, they also don't exist).  

Other stress releasers are just as "genuine" as acting out. They require a bit more effort but are more effective as well. 

If you managed to read all that, then you are totally awesome.

Have a great day!

I think you're on to something big here.
I always thought it WAS a buildup of sexual tension...
But you make a strong point.
Can you please continue this train of thought?

Also, I got lost on the Exercising, singing, vampire thing. What was meant in that paragraph? Thanks.

Sure. I think it's a point which we all know to be true but yet aren't fully cognizant of. 

The basic idea is as follows: an alcoholic uses alcohol to deal with the stresses of day to day life. Alcohol is not necessarily the best way (a.k.a most effective method) to release stress. It's merely the method the alcoholic knows. He LEARNT it.

When he has an overwhelming urge to reach for the bottle it's not to release tension that built up as a result of not drinking.

Thr truth is that this argument is perhaps even stronger for a sex addict which a "behavioral" rather than a "substance" addiction.

By the alcoholic it can be argued that it's discomfort resulting from his dependency that he's feeling. 

Although in truth I don't think any thinking person believes that dependency is the whole story. Surely, the primary reason the alcoholic drinks is to escape the (sometimes harsh) realities of life. 

The exercise and vampire paragraph was just bringing this point home.  Vampires prefer human blood. Animal blood is a bad alternative for them. It doesn't really quench their thirst. 

I was saying that good habits and good stress releasers for the sex addict are not like the animal blood for the vampire. 

They are equally legitimate. Good habits like exercising or building connections with people don't just "quiet the need" to lust.

There is no need to lust.

There IS a need not to feel like garbage or ridiculously and constantly stressed. The only way the sex addict knows to feel good or release stress is through lusting. 

He LEARNT it. So now he needs to learn new methods. 

I think this may be quite powerful for some. For if you see "acting out" as the natural way to fight stress, no wonder you'll feel triggered when things are going tough. 

There doesn't have to be a connection between stress and lust. You just taught yourself that there is one.

Peace 




Hope that was somewhat clear. 

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Shteeble wrote on 01 Aug 2023 15:05:

step 11 is the only one thats super important