It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I went on a 100+ day streak for the first time and since then for the last 3 months I haven’t been able to hold more than a week at a time.
I was browsing the web today and was watching material from an ok channel, when I scrolled down and saw a picture of pornography.
I snapped away, I didn’t linger for a moment. Yet, it was still enough to trigger me and I fell.
I went ahead and turned my filters sensitivity up. But this experience also got me thinking, there is no way to avoid pornography on the internet. No matter how strong of a defense I can have, I can be on YWN, I can have the same garbage pop up as an ad and to a mind it’s the same thing as if I saw it elsewhere.

Today I would like to start fresh again, I am going to start reducing my electronics usage and switch over to learning. At least the nagging voice inside my head which has been screaming at me to learn more will be happy. I am going to make every effort to get a grip and stop masturbating. It’s been a rough few months, here’s hoping to see success and happiness in the future.

With love,
Meyer M.

If you have not yet read the book the battle of the generation I encourage you to read a chapter every night. I find that it has been extremely helpful.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a hard time.
Its great to hear from you again though, and I’m glad you’re back on the bandwagon.
May you have much hatzlocha.

YeshivaGuy

Its been a month, all the same old up and downs. One week, fall. One week, fall…

Y’know I remember when I said this:


I remember how accomplished I felt. I remember how I was on top of the world.

And now? I fell again.

I feel like garbage, Im screaming at myself ‘get a grip on yourself’. Im lost and confused.

This is life, nothing is easy and it’s never a straight line.

But now I need to get up, I need to work on myself. I need to be strong and continue the fight so I can be the fighter I am.

Take a deep breath. Go for a walk (it's becoming warmer in the northern hemisphere )
Think about all your technology and what you use it for. Think about the device you've fallen on the most. Do you really need it? Try to cut away to the bare essentials. (For example, say you have a laptop, iPad and smartphone. Do you really need both a laptop and iPad? Can you get rid of one? Maybe even the phone?) Then you can start thinking about beefing up the filters.
Most importantly, try to figure out why you keep falling. Are you bored? Are you missing a sense of fulfillment? 
For me, going out to meetings (GYE's F2F), spending time with others with the same situation and giving each other chizuk was tremendous. You celebrate each other's victories and hold each other up when down. 

Dear Mayer M.

I haven't posted yet about me I'm still taking my time for it. 

You stroke an emotional part in me. 

Every time i fell and lowered my guards I felt the same thing you are describing here.. I will literally ask g-d to take me back and get leave me alone. 

Im reading a book now about emotions how it works and how to deal with it.

First and foremost allow yourself to feel what you feel now. You are feeling anger and sad. It's a core emotion. You are angry that you got here and you are sad at your situation. And it's ok to feel that way. 

For me keeping that anger emotion into my subconscious is for me a reminder that i should not lower my guards because i will feel sad again. I basically take the bad part of the anger and creating a tool to help me fight this long fight.

We are dealing with alot of emotions and i hope you get the strength back and fight this with some healthy anger emotions to not allow yourself to fall again. 

Hi Meyer M, 

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a hard time. Here's one thing that might help. Try to recall a moment when you were very aligned with yourself, when you felt proud, noble and purposeful. That is the real you. Yes, you fell, but that doesn't change who you are. You are a Jew who wants to serve G-d, and that is a very special thing. You will get through this, don't allow temporary struggles to conceal who you really are.

mypersonallife wrote on 03 May 2022 16:44:

Can you share the name of the book please?

www.amazon.com/Understanding-Your-Emotions-Lawrence-Howells-dp-0367685639/dp/0367685639/ref=mt_other?_encoding=UTF8&me=&qid=