ok here is my deal. for as long as i can remember i have been "horny as hell". I have always felt a burning desire for women. BUT it never really developed into anything crazy. in 10th grade i discovered how to masturbate, but didnt do it often. by the time i was in 11th grade it was like once a week sometimes like once every two weeks. i watched regular movies, and no big deal bec. they were always around in my house. bein hazmanim i did look at a little porn, but also nothing crazy and never for a long periods of time. i knew it was wrong and i could never bear to GAZE at porn for a l0ong time.  after high school i did some real shtieging in avodas hashem and for the next 4 years i maybe masturbated once a YEAR, (we all slip). and yes i did look at the occasional porn. HOWEVER all this time my yetzer was burning inside of me like hot lead in my blood, and the only thing that kept me good was that i ALWAYS had this thing in my head that after i get married it will all be good. and i drilled into my head that after i really have sex, the world is gonna be different im gonna be able to walk on water...etc. so you see the whole time i was a bachor, although i was clean but the desire was still there and it was there bad! the bottom line is that if it moved i imagined having sex with it, kollel wives, girls. anyone (female and legal, of course). But remember i was still officially clean, but managed with my hopes of after i get married ill be good. right? because the gemara in Baba Metzia  says that women are more horny then men, so it all be good. me and me wife will have sex all day long and ill live happily ever after right?  WRONG! i got married b'h to an amazing women however do to past trust issues that she had combined with Bais yaakov education of sexual issues, our sexual relationship needed a lot of work. we were in therapy and bh things are ok now. HOWEVER my whole fantasy world of sex after marriage was out the window. i found myself looking a porn (also not for hours but more then i would like) i found myself watching movies ONLY if there was nudity in them. i was masturbating once in a while but still more then once a year. i began to peep through the windows to see the neighbors and maybe a glimpse of something assur.... basically it was my old fight back to haunt me.

the thing is like this i dont watch porn regularly and i never did. i dont masturbate at all now bh.
i found myself slipping to many times on the computer (which i like to be on because i am computer saavy and like to learn new things) so i signed up for Webchaver accountability AND for A+ hedgebuilders (sever side) Internet filtering. BUT i still feel like i have hot lead burning through my veins.

Also the main issue i have is that sexual lust is NOT like any other addiction or t'eavah. why?
any person in the world can live without drugs, smoking, alcohol. But sex we NEED in order to live. sometimes we have to go to sleep with our wives and activate the sex part of our brains. How can i make a clear line between lust and love? they both are sex.

any advice will be great sorry for the rambling i just wrote it as it flowed from me

im not offering much advice,
but i want to say welcome!!
good to have you hear
and working on yourself
in this area is a huge first step!

about lust and love both being sex,
well, what is the ikar in lust
and what is the ikar in love?
maybe understanding each one more deeply
will give you some insight.

for starters,
lust is taking,
love is giving.
stick around,
look around.
you'll find some answers
and i'm sure some more
are heading your way as well.

Welcome fighting yid
Your story sounds simliar to the rest of of ours.
We're gonna pull you out of this thing man.Dont worry!
Your time as an addict is limited

-uri

Welcome aboard - whatever happens, you're part of a group of people that is committed to improving their avodas hashem with whatever tools are necessary!

Glad to have you with us!

Welcome fightinyyid. As was mentioned before many of us can relate to your story. Oh how we all dreamed and convinced ourselves that after we get married all our problems would go. Rude awakining. But youv come to the right place. Here you can get a better understanding of yourself and be able to put things in perspective. So jump on board and well carry you with. Hatzlacha. If you ever want to chat you can gchat me. imtrying25@gmail.com. All the best.

Welcome to the forum.  We're all together in the same URL.

Stick around here, you'll figure yourself out.

Good luck.

  --Eye.

Dear fightingyid,

I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community!

The common denominator of all of us here is an addiction to LUST. And on this network, we hope you will slowly but surely learn how to let go of lust. All of us thought marriage would solve our problems, and we all learned the hard way that it doesn't help this addiction at all. Lust is a poison, and the more it is fed, even with one's wife, the more one needs it.

Read through this page... and also, on our FAQ page you'll find many useful links to questions that address the difference between love and lust.

See this article where Rabbi Twerski explains how one can get addicted to this from a single viewing! Even if someone can go without it for a long time, he is still addicted if specific situations make him feel powerless to resist it even though it goes against his morals and inner desires. See also this page.

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. They lay down the cornerstone and foundation of our work, and they make our network much more effective and helpful for people.

You see, until now, people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, a beginner wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while on the other hand, someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences" putting in "filters" etc... So it was essential to develop a handbook which details all the techniques and tools to dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now with these handbooks, anyone can read through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook where the steps become progressively more powerful and "addiction-oriented".

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Note: You might want to print them out to read away from the computer. Keep in mind though, that if you do this, you won't be able to click on the many web links in the articles. But you can always come back to them later. The truth is, it's anyway good to go through the whole handbook once without clicking on links, just to get an overview of all the tools available. Once you did that, you can start again from tool #1 and read each tool through more carefully, click the links and study each technique and assess whether you have tried it fully yet or not...

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

Uri's back???? :D

Dear Fighting Yid.

Welcome to the forum. I read your post and I smiled.
You sound completely normal.
Most teenage boys think about sex all day.
Especially when they see a live member of the female race.
The better frum ones convince themselves like you that marriage will solve all their troubles,
and like you are frusterated with their wives relative lack of interest.

Baruch Hashem you don't seem to be addicted to p**n (Although occasional porn viewing isn't really acceptable either).

So what's the answer?

The answer is, to improve your relationship with your wife.  To raise it above a relationship that just fulfills your sexual needs.  To relate on a higher emotional (Spiritual?) level with your wife. (Dov really is the expert on these things maybe read some of his posts for home work) MAybe learn a little bit with her? Spend time with her doing things she enjoys etc. Will this improve your sex life? Maybe, but it will certainly make it more satisfying. And perhaps part of why those feeling of lust are driving you crazy, is that you are no satisfying them with a lust relationship your neshama really wants something more and you arent providing it.

I hope this helps a bit.

Hey FY, Welcome aboard! You sound like you have a lot to say - and that's good, we'd like to hear from you about your advice for other people! Believe it or not, that's one of the keys to your own success.
I will agree with what the others have been saying here. Marraige DOES NOT solve your desire for things that are forbidden to you.
What marraige CAN do, is help a person (who is already doing everything his reposibility entails), by taking the bottom off his desires. When someone is single, he can be much closer to the line of 'lack of control'. For the simple reason that when something is used improperly, there are bound to be problems. And the guf that we were given was meant to have a healthy sexual outlet.

You sound like your in the stage where things are not yet in the actual dangerous stage, but if you allow your situation to evolve, it will c"v gradually take over your life. Remember, there is no such thing as satisfying this desire! You can only GIVE IN TO IT and it MIGHT leave you alone for a couple of hours. But then afterwards, it just get's even stronger and DEMANDS even more.

You really need to be careful, because this is not as 'tame' as it looks. It is a big ugly monster, and if it isn't taken care of, it can mess up someones life in the most literal sense.

The main thing you will learn here, is not just a key to dealing with problems of dangerous desires, but rather a concept to take with you everywhere and at all times. That is just keep going, don't EVER let disappointment get in your way. You just gotta keep at it - no matter what!!
Hang in there man, you found a good group of friends!

OK I HAVE SOME ADVICE TOO

FY

YOU ARE NORMAL LIKE THE REST OF THE PLANET

CHILLOUT

DRINK A SHOT OF WOODFORD

READ AND BE INVOLVED IN THE FORUM

I DON'T KNOW HOW

BUT IT REALLY WORKS!!

MOST OF ALL

REALIZE YOU HAVE THE STRENGTH INSIDE OF YOU

TO SUCEED,TO WIN

ONE DAY

ONE HOUR AT A TIME

KEEP ON TRUCKING!!!



RABBI BARD E. CHEV

CHEIF RABBI OF

WOODFORD KY

Fightingyid,

I hope you're the guy on the left in your picture!  ;D

YOU ARE SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!!

I am new here so i haven’t really read everyone’s story but your sounds very familiar, some of what you write sound EXACTLY like mine, I have been horny my entire teenage years had my ups and downs, while in out of town yeshiva I was ok but bein hazmanim I would make up for the entire year, did not really find porn, would fast-forward all the movies and just get to the dirty parts, my sisters had some nice magazines around the house and that would do the disgusting job…the computer at my house was in a public area so it was to risky … as I reached the age 20 I thought that when I get married then all will be good…. And all I would think about is sex, my thought were out of control walking down the street… and then I got married and it was not what I thought it would be ( although not complaining) my fantasize were not being fulfilled and that is when I got into surfing the internet youtube and other “officially clean sites, as always my yetzer horoah found a way and tell me it is not real porn but one think leads to another and before I know I am watching hard core… yuck… anyway that is half my story.

btw what would a filter do for sites like youtube msn google videos   

the filter would block them