ybachur wrote on 03 Jul 2017 13:59:


YB I'm happy for your current good Mazel Tov!!

Whatever you do I highly recommend you get hire a dumpTruck, and get RID of any unproductivity from your life e.g. useless therapists (I've met some too)

Before your marriage make sure you have a productive Therapist, sensible Rav, and of course a freshly delivered TRUCK

It may be hard for anyone to change as you can see you've been stuck in a rut the past few years lusting, but it typically only gets worse after marriage

Change takes Change, and you can do it
Outside circumstances won't do it
Marriage won't fix you
It may break some of us

If you want a less painful recovery, find a nicely upholstered TRUCK and start today - You can do it ;-)

Thanks all!

My Rosh Yeshiva has been amazing, and we B"H have a very close relationship, so that definitely helps.
And I'm not sure if a therapist is a must at this point, if I can get a handle on things, but that's part of the discussion...
@getthere - I'm going to check that page, and see if there's someone there I can try, just didn't get much from the previous therapist that I tried, so I'd rather try something else before trying another one.

Thanks.

Removed

I just wrote a long reply, then the page auto-reloaded and I lost it all, so forgive me for my short reply

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Whatever happens is for the good. Gd willing you'll have a great marriage soon

Enjoy the meetings, I'll have you in mind and KUTGW!

I'd love to talk w you abt it. Please consider that you might not have discussed your misgivings w the therapist's advice to you with the therapist...have you? The trust there is lacking, and that's not unusual. Still, it's an obstacle to getting a really good product.

Also, it sounds like you're basically calling the shots w your rosh Yeshiva, as well. I read what you wrote carefully and that's the way it seems.

Yes, we all need to live w or own decisions and ultimately make our own minds up - that's what being human means - but when adding advice, the misgivings aught not be afterthoughts that we are only comfortable sharing with a pretend chevra like this one. Openness here is cute, but openness with the very people you have the misgivings with, is where the schoirah is.

Can you do that?

And I'd love to talk...which guy we're you? I got a bunch of emails if this nature recently.

Thanks,

Dov

Dov -
I'd love to speak if you don't mind, going to PM you.

And not fully understanding what you're saying, but I discussed what I thought about the therapists opinion with him, and I've discussed everything with my Rosh Yeshiva as well, and he's pretty much always on target and I trust him implicitly (though we've discussed plenty of things thoroughly as well, and it's not a one way discussion) and only wrote the post (which I told my R"Y about) because I felt it might help to write up my thoughts and to share them, though I decided to edit the post because there were some details there that I didn't want public.

Thanks!

Just because we're sex addicts doesn't mean a girl needs to marry one, or a possible one.

Therapist, Dov, Rosh yeshiva....all good moves.

Wishin' you the utmost hatzlachah.

Of course, agreed, hoping that she can see that I am working on it, and hoping that everything else that convinced her to say yes originally is still there and means enough to her, but that's something that she has to decide.

Thanks all!

Life with a recovering addict (at least 12-step recovery) can be beautiful and meaningful. But it can also be hellish. Sex addiction isn't like alcoholism. My experience has been that relapse is a part of life as a sex addict. I'm probably going to relapse, and I'm ok with that. But my potential partner may not be ok with that. And that's their prerogative. They have that right to choose and it makes sense if they might say no.

Just to update this (though I know the last update was removed), my Rosh Yeshiva spoke to someone else who supposedly isn't officially a therapist, but supposedly has a ton of experience in this field (he got the number from the therapist I had spoken to), who seemed to agree with me on this, and thought that the therapist was taking a too strong approach (and wasn't convinced that SA was for me), still have more to clarify, and hopefully this can clarify things for everyone, but we'll see what happens...

Thanks all for the support and encouragement!

How u been man? Share with us what worked for you. I see ur over 570 days clean!

Hows it goin?