MayanHamisgaber wrote on 27 Jun 2017 10:37:

i sent you an email

i acted out again yesterday (humiliating like gehinnom probably not as bad but still horrible)
i noticed that i haven't been reading "the white book" in a while 
so i picked it up blew off the dust and started reading it worked for the past couple of hours (not reading the whole time it just changed my perspective)
have an awesome day

Have you been calling your sponsor and calling other people in the program?

I saw a Nesivois Shalom on Shabbos which explains the different courses of action an addict must take versus a non addict.
Parshas Chukas on the passuk "al kein yoimru ha moishlim boiu cheshboin"  the gemara says al kein yoimru hamoishlim beyitzram boiu cheshboin boiu venachshoiv chesbono shel oilam schar mitzva kneged oinsha... This passuk is being darshened as follows: Therefore the one who controls their yetzer hara says let's make the cheshbon of the world, the benefit of a mitzva vs the loss and the consequences of an aveira vs the gain (pleasure?)
Says the Nesivos shalom this only helps for those who can control their yetzer hora, those who their yetzer hora controls them (addicts?) cheshbonos won't help them. they have to just stop (he doesn't say exactly how to stop presumably one of the 20 tools) ayin sham for more details
Which was a great mussar haskel for me i felt like it really applied to me
A gutte voch

I like it

And your signature too ;-)

Can you bold the words "What worked for me yesterday", cos I almost didn't notice any of it

KOBT
Keep
On
Bold
Trucking!!

Hey how you doing?
Made it home okay?
hope the stress isn't getting to you

KOMTNMW

Thanks for asking 
I'm ashamed to admit but it did get to me big time
I should've made phone calls 
I'm slacking off in that area
That's why i keep acting out

stop saying i should've and just do it - you know yourself you can as you did in the past. 

mikestruggling wrote on 03 Jul 2017 04:46:

If you're an addict, the reason why you keep on acting out is... because you're an addict. It's the status quo. My Sponsor likes to tell me "It's natural to lust, it's an act of God if we don't" when I shame myself for acting out or taking actions of lust.

we say the serenity prayer 3 times a day backwards
atta choinein "the wisdom to know the difference"
(that's why havdala is in atta choinein)
hashiveinu avinu "the courage to change the things i can)
selach lanu "accept the things i cannot change" (?)
have an awesome day

Hi everyone i'm going through a rough rough time i acted out twice last night and didn't sleep a wink it'll killl my 1st seder tomorrow i feel like there is no hope i need to pull out of this binge any tips?
My sponsor said i need to focus on my willingness to give my life up to the care of god i don't know what that means right now any help on that?
i know i should make phonecalls ayin my signature but i haven't been getting around to it i told my sponsor i would and i meant it somehow i lose my resolve any tips for a guy like me?
i know i have been optimistic in the past i hope i'll get back to that state right now half of me says i'm a goner and i keep thinking what's wrong with one more time acting out even though i suffer each time emotionally terribly.
please no mussar or encouragement
i want to get out of this binge fast all i want is practical tips

mikestruggling wrote on 12 Jul 2017 02:38:


Mike, i give your my gives you full support ;

How's meetings been going for you?

i enjoy meetings though i have a hard time sharing after a fall lotz of shame
the crowd is nice frum guys one guy sits on my bench first seder

mikestruggling wrote on 12 Jul 2017 02:38:

Ask your sponsor if you can start to work on your step 1.

Markz wrote on 12 Jul 2017 02:55:

you should be a politician i said no mussar or encouragement so you went for support
thanx:blush: