im sorry for speaking so tough ,im bothered by s/o this morning who accused me of immaturity in a private message  regarding the karmas, , this person is the king of immaturity , you should only see some of his posts ,BH you dont know who im talking about so im free to vent, 

I had a productive talk with a member toay. He stated the obvious I have to get rid of ALL of my bottles if I want to recover. It will be hard. But so would jail or death. Or just cheating on my wife.
Hashem grant me the courage to take the next step in getting rid of my bottles.
Please don't let my bottles get rid of me.
See I confused arrur haman and baruch mordechai. Baruch mordechai (working program) works only after arrur haman (getting rid of triggers).
This purim I want to only take drinks of alcohol.
Freylichen purim.

Look, I think this topic is hitting on a very sensitive chord for me. I never really shared with anyone how deceiving and horrible it feels to have people you trust, such as your own sponsor, challenge and ridicule your religious beliefs and then try and replace yours with their own. Looking back, it's clear to me that what I experienced was totally unethical and I equate it with a form of abuse (at the very least a huge transgression of boundaries). So when I come on here to share my experience and someone suggests that I could be making up stories, or tries to minimize my experience, it's actually very hurtful. I'm not trying to be a drama queen, but I feel like it's my responsibility to prevent what happened to me from happening to others. After The Meadows, I seriously considered giving up Yiddishkeit completely. I was even listening to Christian music for Gd's sake. This was due to all the anti Jewish messages I received. But then again, I made myself a target. They saw I was vulnerable, I was asking questions, and they decided to go for it.  I will be the first to admit that others may have had different experiences there. And I'm sure a persons experience with SA depends a lot on where they go to meetings. I started meetings in Isreal 10 years ago and never had the "missionary" issues, although the underlying Christian view point of lust was still being promoted of course. Once I got back to America and the meetings were mostly goyim, this is when it started. But I'll admit it's probably not the norm and hasn't been a constant issue for me, nor am I trying to portray it as one. However, even once is too much. To call these people "missionaries" is to inaccurately describe what they do. These are NOT professional people out to get us, who incorporate every conversation with their message. These are regular people in the meetings, who genuinely care about us, become close to us, and then after a while (sometimes even months) gently bring up how believing in the J man works for them. In my experience, once they bring it up once and they see you don't argue with them, this invites them to bring it up again and again.  This is very subtle and most people wouldn't be able to label these guys as missionaries because it's so subtle.  The point is, SA was not started by Jews, and therefore we can't control the message nor the membership. We need live groups for Jews that promote a Jewish perspective of how to deal with this struggle and that is only open to frum yidden who share our beliefs and sensitivities.

Just happenned to be "surfing GYE" and came upon this piece, sir. Gevalt. If you thought that was shtarkeh mussar, I am afraid the shtikle I posted to you last night makes it look like a joke! Oh boy....

Yes, I hardly know you. And you may be just fine with the phone meetings, but please remember that I have hothing to gain by being right in this venue - only you do, if you do what's better for yourself. If I am wrong, I am very sorry, and if I ever post anything embarrassing or hurtful I will pay, r"l. So please consider letting me know and then forgiving me when I ask mechilah.

If "echad hamarbeh..." ever applied to anything, it applies to recovery: It is quality, not quantity that matters above all. So yes - if the weekly phone meetings are a big deal for you and you attend them faithfully and try your best to use (work) whatever tools are placed at your disposal you will get better! There are plenty folks who go to live meetings in person even five times a week - and still do not get better! So, surely the attitude, honesty and desperation are what really matters. The rest is really siyata diShmaya!!

You are not alone. There are other rebbi-type persons I know who are in shoes similar to yours, if that's a bit of nechoma. One day you may even meet them (if you ever get to a meeting! ...sorry ;D)

If you want to talk, please PM me.

Hatzlocha and gut yomtov!

Dov