i recently blurted it out to my wife and things have much better since 
italso got much easier to be honest with myself and to talk to other people
but my situation may be a little different as she knew something was going on and therefore
she was a little relieved
but i wonder if a lot of wives have suspicions and subconciously know something?

I went yesterday to the SA regional conference here in Israel. I've never had an experience like that in my life. There are hundreds of people who really have my problem and understand that I can connect with right away. You don't need to show off to gain approval. Everyone is there to get better everyone did and/or does the same ugly stuff that I do. And we're all normal people we can laugh sing and dance together.

I've been to meetings but they can be very rigid and very recovery based (which I think is how it should be). I've been to fellowship events like a card game at a fellow's house where I had a similar experience but not on such a level as I had yesterday.

 For all those still out there who need the 12 steps but are scared to enter the rooms, my heart goes out for you. Besides the fact that you don't have group support for your recovery you're missing out on a great time.

Hatzlachah Rabba

I'm in a very bad place now. I didn't yet tell my sponsor   I acted out last night and twice today. I'm depressed and I can't get the courage to move more than I absolutely have to. I don't know what will change to help me recover. Could be I think I can control and enjoy. Maybe I am currently in the insanity. I don't now. When I'm in the insanity I want to act out. So while I do know that living on a spiritual basis is attainable and enjoyable. And I know as well that if I want to stop masturbating and obsessing and more I need to live on that state. I'm not sure (right now) if I want to stop (whatever if it wasn't an aveira).
I certainly don't want my old life of isolation and depression. I am aware as well that my disease will kill me if it is given the chance. So in summary I am confused and depressed,

I hope what I wrote helps someone,
Though I doubt it.
Good day to all

Thanks for sharing. Can you get to a live SA meeting today. I know the feelings of shame,guilt and failure as well a the desire to isolate.

Hang in there Mike. We are here for you!

I had a productive talk with a member toay. He stated the obvious I have to get rid of ALL of my bottles if I want to recover. It will be hard. But so would jail or death. Or just cheating on my wife.
Hashem grant me the courage to take the next step in getting rid of my bottles.
Please don't let my bottles get rid of me.
See I confused arrur haman and baruch mordechai. Baruch mordechai (working program) works only after arrur haman (getting rid of triggers).
This purim I want to only take drinks of alcohol.
Freylichen purim.

L'Chaim!

Careful. My advice is get sober and then leave, SA has many dangers for yidden. I was in it for years. 

workingmyprogram wrote on 19 Mar 2018 00:00:

Can you clarify that?

See my post entitled "Dangers of SA". Not trying to discourage anyone who's struggling from joining SA, but for those who don't need it, I would not recommend it before trying other options first.  SA may have helped me get sober, but it also implanted some very erroneous ideas and attitudes that took years to get rid of. I was also exposed to a lot of missionary mishagas as well as downright antagonism towards my religious beliefs.  But hey, every treatment has it's side effects. The point is to at least recognize the possible dangers so we can avoid them the best we can.  I believe GYE concurs with me, considering they view SA as a last resort option.

workingmyprogram wrote on 20 Mar 2018 21:45:

שנאמר...?

​I'm assuming your question is regarding where do you see that according to GYE SA is a last resort option. If so, see the link guardyoureyes.com/the-gye-program/initial-evaluation. There are 8 levels of addiction, each having it's own recommendations. For level 8 addiction, GYE recommends rehab and/or medication. SA is recommended for level 7. 

workingmyprogram wrote on 20 Mar 2018 21:45:

i dont know if this is a good" tzoo shtel"(comparision) but there is someone who is big into wanting to make a independent rehab due to the dangers of missionary activities on the yidden who are unfortunately  there

In my five years of experience with SA, and with the hundreds of fellows I have spoken with, I have not heard of one instance of any missionary tactic in an SA meetin'.

I will let Dov, who has much more experience than me, say the same thin', and even stronger, and he can tell you the history of Roy and SA.

Can there be a missionary at a meetin'? Yes, but he can be a therapist, your uber driver, your private club dancer, or the fellow who brings your shoppin' bags to your car.

The mishigas mentioned above lies elsewhere.

I  dont have any strong opinions either way regarding SA , nor do i profess to understand it anywhere on the level that the chashuva brothers here do, with that being said ,it doesnt seem apropriate to me to be  so strong on the offensive against it  as in many of your recent posts - on a group where many people are utilizing it  to heal and are becoming CLOSER to HKBH and INCREASING they're Yiras Shamayim ?

no disrespect intended  just wondering ... correct me if im wrong