Hi Guys,

I'm up to 38 days clean and are very proud of it, as this is the longest time I have ever managed to keep clean and look forward reaching 90 days!

However during this process things have changed, I never had a real Nisayon of looking at women on the street (never turned me on) and was "only" watching p***, but now my Yetzer Hora has now changed!

As my job involves working with lots of people (specially in small meetings) i note that my machshovas have started working... it’s not that it brings me to a stage of a nisayon, but it really frustrates me! Is that my sechar for keeping clean?? What message is hashem sending me?? I never has such machashovas before, so why now???

Hello Arlu,

This is very common. Someone who is clean for a while often becomes more sensitive to triggers. It's actually a sign of growth. Don't be discouraged, there are Eitzos how to deal with these types of situations, such as taking off your glasses. I'm sure Dov and others have some more profound suggestions!

Hatzlacha!

If your nisyonos are changing, it's because you are changing. I sounds like a good sign to me.

Yes, as you grow, you will have a new set of challenges.

Take it as a compliment :D

Eli

If they are increasong over time watch out though.

Hi Chaver!
I also experience the same problem, it drives me nuts!!!!
After getting sober for some time, now I cant look at a women, I always think what's behind the clothes, everything triggers me, supermarkets, bank etc. it really drives me crazy, and need some advice and chizuck on how to handle it.

But at least you know u r not alone!!!!
צרת רבים חצי נחמה

i also noticed when im sober i find alot of women attractive that where not till now

Two quick thoughts to the original post and some of the responses above.

1. Your brain is addicted to lust. If you cut off the supply from the usual avenues, it will try to get it from another place.

2. I couldn't look at women in the normal way when I was in active addiction, and I can't look at them in the normal way now that I've been sober a few years. Some things aren't going to change. Not being able to look at women without getting messed up is going to be one of them, at least for me.

So I simply don't look. I can't. Makes me look really frum

We need here a good response from R Dov

Chazal say "kol hagadol m'chaveiru , yitzro gadol hemenu"

"One who is great than his friend has a bigger yezter hora"

In the gemara where it s mentioned, it is clear that the things that might not be triggers for a regular person, are triggers for greater people.

I had the same problem when I also hit like 30 days. I couldn't stop staring, even worse than usual.

At first I started by looking away right away no matter what in fear of being triggered. Eventually I can to realize, with the help of R' Dov, that if I take upon myself to view these women as people and not as triggers than they will stop being triggers. (Not to say that always works, but it does help most of the time.)

Thanks for the reply!

I'm happy to hear that I’m not alone! This itself is great chizuk.
I guess all I can do at the moment is be even more careful and hopefully it will go away!

If you are on the other side of the boat, I would be happy to hear from you!

arlu164 wrote on 19 Nov 2012 13:47:


What boat?

This one, of course! ;D

KOMB!!!