On the iPhone you can disable apps and lock it with a password. Let someone else set the password.

Gevura, is it builtin to the iphone, or is it a downloadable feature that might be available on the android?

Thanks
KC

Dov,

Thank you always for your honesty and your insight. Every time I read your thoughts, I feel as though I've been saved for one more day.

I'm still not sure what I will do about the i-phone or android. I really do think I will need to buy one in the next few months. I just hope I will have some way of ensuring that it doesn't bring me back in the dumps (after what I'm sure will be a few months clean by then!)

Dov- I'm not entirely sure I understood your advice. You think I absolutely need to speak to someone in person or on the phone but that it doesn't have to be someone I am close to in my life? If so, where do I find this person to speak to? Must I really go to an SA meeting? To be honest, going to a meeting is not something that I am comfortable with at this time for many reasons and I am not even sure my schedule allows for it.

If I do find some phone number to call to open up to and be honest with, how will this help me if it isn't someone I know? How is it any different from my posting on GYE? I have been extremely open on GYE in the past and have been equally honest in private PM's with GYE members. Is this enough?

I'm going to get a good night's sleep now after a long and productive day. It feels good to look back on a day and know that I was actually living it (instead of hiding from it behind a computer screen). Life is worth too much to let us pass it by. The people in our lives are just too great for us to replace them with the garbage we're constantly looking for.

Thank you all for everything. Good night.

dovekbashem wrote on 12 Jul 2012 05:41:

It is someone you will get to know. Actually, I connect a lot more quickly, and a lot more deeply, to people from GYE and SA than I ever have to people that I've known for decades. We've got something more in common, and something very deep in common.

About posts and PMs: Talking to someone by phone is a lot more real than writing and reading posts and PMs (though helpful as these things are). And perhaps you'll get a chance to meet in real life, too.

--Elyah

Keep wrote on 12 Jul 2012 04:53:


It's built in to the phone. There are apps for the Droid that do the same thing but they are easy to bypass.

One catch with the iphone restrictions, you can't change the password without losing all the settings and starting over. So if you want to play with the settings yourself and then give away the password you will need to make note of what you have set so you can put it back after the other person sets the password and unlocks it for you.

Hi All,
There is an Application to download for Android Phones, called "App Lock" to lock Apps, You will need somebody to enter the password, i heard of a good idea to take a friend etc to enter half the password and you enter the other half so nobody can unlock it by themself, BUT you will need to lock your setting icon too, so u shoudnt be able to uninstall the App!!!

Any question are welcome!
I am a Technician.

I still don't understand why I cannot just install a K9 filter on the iPhone or android just like I did on my computer and give away the password to the filter gabbai?

Exactly. You install K9 and have someone else lock the restrictions and disable Safari, Youtube, Itunes etc.

K9 itself does not have a password on the iphone and you cannot configure what it blocks. The settings are more-or-less equivalent to the default settings on k9 for windows, which may not be strict enough for you. But it's the best thing out there right now.

Gevura wrote on 12 Jul 2012 20:56:

In other words, do that too, but don't stop at just K9.

I've been thinking...

Why am I doing this? Why am I trying to go clean? What is it that I am really trying to accomplish?

I've been asking these questions because after 4 days clean (today is day 4 - but day 5 without internet help!) I am already wondering why I am giving it up. The bottom line is this - I do enjoy internet p*** and, even more than that, I enjoy meeting people on the internet, talking to them and acting out with them. I enjoy it a lot and I miss it when I don't have it. And so I wonder whether I am similar to other people on this forum or not. Does everyone else hate doing it, but feel so addicted that they just can't stop? Am I the only one who really enjoys it and misses it?

I've been PMing with Elya and recently shared with him why I think I enjoy it so much (or at least part of the reason why):

"Regarding the enjoyment- there are lots of things that bring me enjoyment. Music, TV, hanging out with friends, learning Torah, giving shiurim... all these things bring me tremendous satisfaction and enjoyment. But m*** and p*** is not just about enjoyment to me. It is time to be completely alone without feeling lonely. It's a chance to shut out the world and escape into a world where I can talk a certain way and interact with certain people that have no expectations of me and that put no stress on my life. It's a chance to be a different person and to escape periodically from the constraints of the world I'm in. Every once in a while, I just crave that escape and that "alternate personality" of mine."

I've come to realize that I don't simply want to stop. I enjoy it too much and it is too much a part of me to truly want to stop it. My real goal is to WANT to want to stop. In other words, this journey for me is not at all about stopping to m*** and act out on the internet, it is about becoming a person who no longer wants that in my life.

I'm sure this is obvious to other people here and it was obvious to me too during a previous attempt at being clean, but I needed to say it "out loud" again and only hope that it helps someone else to hear it.

My final question for now: Does going clean for 90 days really make me that person? Does it really change my values and desires to the point that I no longer crave or want that which was once so important to me and my daily life? I'm hoping I can report back in 90 days myself!

dovekbashem wrote on 15 Jul 2012 04:19:


I identify completely with what you wrote. I remember on day a few years ago when I was rather new to GYE, I was sitting in the Beis Midrash learning a Gemara and FELT A BURNING DESIRE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AND ACT OUT! Why? I couldn't understand--I was in a holy place doing a very holy activity. Isn't Torah supposed to protect us from this sort of stuff?

I realized, though--as soon as I sat down to learn I was already thinking of how much I was planning to learn that day, and then whether or not I'd manage to do it. I had self-imposed expectations which were making me feel all nervous all the time. It was a subtle undercurrent of self-inflicted expectations. I was driving myself nuts, and driving myself to act out.

I let go. I decided that I'll learn whatever I manage to learn--one line at a time--and try to enjoy it as best as I can as I go along.

THAT was a major breakthrough for me in recovery, and I think that helped me get to 90 days for the first time (and ultimately 7 months before I fell). I started to notice all this tension which was only because of what I expected of myself, and was able to let go of it and be alot more relaxed about life.

A process I had gone through before I even entered recovery was that I stopped pretending to be my Rabbonim, I stopped thinking that I'm supposed to be the next Gadol Hador. I took an honest look at who I am and where I am and just accepted that. I lowered my expectations; I make an effort to be the best Elyah I can be. I think I came to grips with reality, which I think was a very healthy thing to do.

--Elyah

Of courrse I love P&M, I just can't do it 'cause it's killing me, that's all.
When we come into the program, we often have to pray for willingness. Some call it step zero: a pre-requisit to any sort of recovery is to 1. Stop addictive behaviour, 2. Become willing to stay stopped. For 1, we come to meetings, post on GYE, get an accountability partner who we call often, and take other proactive action.
For 2, we pray. We say: "G-d, please make me willing to continue on this pass." Or "give me the willingness to stay sober" or something along those lines.
The mind will eventually follow the body.
And 90 days?! Its a joke. Nothing happens after ninety days, except you look back, and you got 90 clean days behind you.
Hatzlocho,
Mottel

Elya
, mottle

Very well said. Thank you a real chizuk for me. Very true as many times when I was starting out, or after a bad fall and felt like real trash I would say to myself. That's it I'm becoming biggest mosmed, next gadol....... And got so full of myself, as well as the tension u mentioned that within 3 days boom! I was gone.

Also I found that when a person is calm with himself, and he is in a peaceful state of mind/body..... It's much easier to surrender, and to stay in control, so now when I daven shmona esrai and I come to the last beracha of "Shalom" I pray hard and ask Hashem, he who makes peace to please make/keep my iner peace, so that I can have outer piece as well.

Hatzlacha.

Just to throw in my two cents...
I came to realize that the underlying desire behind m*** was to escape. That was why I had other issues, not just m*** and all associated trash. As well, when I white-knuckled m*** in the past, those other issues would come to the forefront. Once I did realize this, and I started working on not escaping, that was when the REAL work started. But as long as I reminded myself of my purpose, namely, living a real life, that was how I found desire to give it up. Until then, I really wasn't interested in giving it a serious shot. It took me a while, but with clarity came a sense of purpose.

I either just muddied the waters more or added clarity. Not sure which.
Hatzlacha!
Meir

Muddling the water is clearing it up! This is muddy business and talking about it always has a way of making things clearer.

It is past midnight, which would make this the start of day 5 clean. I did some touching today that I'm sure I shouldn't have done... but that is where it stopped - a bit of touching and then realizing how stupid I was.

I have decided not to judge my "clean streak" by the lack of time spent lusting. Rather, it will be judged by the amount of time spent living. When I was bored, stressed, anxious or concerned... how did I spend those moments? Did I engage friends, family and life itself? or did I run away from it all into isolation feeling less and less alive and less a part of this great world?

Today, I played with my brother. I had a chat with my grandmother. I spent quality time with both of my parents. I did some research into a big buy I will need to make in the future. I learned some Torah. I caught up with long-distance family and an old friend. I did so many things that I never used to have time for because... well, I was too busy running away and making myself the center of my universe.

Life is good, my friends. Good night!