question the YH means ask him what are these pictures/videos/thoughts worth?
are they worth the many days i invested in this clean streak?

and i'm sure you are way smarter than me, but if your mind is telling you to quit- i don't agree. it's not worth it to get depressed, true, but it's also not worth it to fall.

i'm saying tehillim for you.
can you call someone? not just chat?

tehillim 37:37- i just read whichever perek my siddur opened to
"shmor TAM u re'eh yashar, ki acharit le ish shalom"
no coincidence

I don't get it. My mind has been one big mess the past few days. In a sense, I want something involuntary to happen so I don't need to take responsibility for it and call it a fall. Everything is just so hazy right now and I can't think straight. I wish I could pull myself out of it.

Habib, thank you for saying tehillim for me. While it's still burning strong, my temptation is beginning to subside.

2B

I'm gonna go find someone I can help. It might be the only way I can get my mind to stop focusing on myself, my needs, and my desires.

2B

i'm going to say tehillim for you 2. as much as your GYE family cares about you, CARE ABOUT YOURSELF! tell the y''h to get out NOW! have a conversation with him and explain to him why you simply are not able to comply with his wishes. you are not available now.
i hope your ok! b strong! you can do this! read a thread for chizzuk! get busy with something! we're rooting for you!

it's really hard to stop, i know. it's also really hard to not start.
and i'm really proud that you're ok.
that's a good idea.

be'ezras Hashem you'll make it through tonight, and tomorrow will be a whole new day. 

(sometimes i wonder if all you guys realize what tzaddikim you are. just a thought)

To those who are in favor of having a conversation with the y"h, I wouldn't know what to say. Every time I get him in a conversation, he starts pushing his weight around and things always go his way. I think I'll stay away from that right now. I just have 2 words for him... and it aint "Happy Birthday!".

Thank you both; things are starting to settle down and I'm slowly gaining back control.

I'm happy that you both kept your boundaries and didn't message me even though my email address is in the open and you might have been able to respond faster. I wasn't expecting you to contact me that way.

2B

i once heard from rabbi shafier on theshmuz.com that you shouldn't get into a conversation with the y''h. you're right. He said to just tell him that your not talking to him. he's in chairem. Good bye!

you're right.
i was wrong.
i'll keep that in mind for next time
and Tomim- i'm really glad you won ;D

Dear Tomim,

The problem with the y"h is that he is not satisfied with just doing his job.  He works overtime and plays dirty!

Furthermore, he has no qualms about lying through his teeth.  He assures us that we'll be glad that we fell, and he doesn't want to hear anything about Frumkeit.  But, then, as soon as a person, c"v, falls, the y"h becomes very "Frum," and makes him feel overwhelmingly guilty.

Now THAT is beautiful!

Kedusha wrote on 10 Sep 2009 03:09:

Even though I don't operate in the YH arena with my addiction, here is a nice story I read about a chassidishe rebbe who, as a youngster, was being woken up early by his father, the rebbe.
Tatte: Wake up Herscheleh, to serve Hashem.
Mini-rebbe: But it's cold outside and I'm tired...
Tatte: It's your YH, no?
Mini-rebbe: Yeah...
Tatte: Well, why should you be doing a worse job than the YH is doing? He is just doing his job, trying to tempt you. Now you do Herscheleh's job and get up!
Mini-rebbe: ...but Tatte, how am I worse than the YH? He doesn't have a YH telling him not to do his job!! ;D
I love it, and all of you.
- Dov

holding on doing better .hold on evryone be strong for us all.

Uri,

This is my first post on the forum (I’m a bit apprehensive), but I just wanted to write that Reb Guard’s Chizuk email from Wednesday about you (Uri) brought tears to my eyes, and your struggle has given me enormous chizuk. I’m one who has never posted on any forums, and here I am posting. When I saw that you made your RED LINE, it made me feel much better and gave me extra chizuk.

Your poems and songs (I’ve seen and listened to some of them) are potent. They provide enormous chizuk to those of us struggling. (Maybe you can collect them together and make them available in one place).

For me, after I got Reb Guard’s Chizuk email, and seeing you make that Red Line, and seeing everyone’s chizuk, it made my Wednesday better than the day before for me, and I was more successful in my own struggles. And Thursday was better than Wednesday. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

When I read Thursday’s Chizuk email from Reb Guard, and he put a link about your meeting with your therapist, I found your summaries eye opening and very helpful. I agree with Noorah BAmram that they are very insightful and very well written. Please continue sharing if you can.

Nishmas

I've been slipping like crazy today, and I'm literally about to fall any min.. Is anyone out there?

2B