We've all been enjoying a member called "Uri" on the forum lately. His struggle is so real, his wisdom is beyond his years, and his songs have touched a lot of our hearts! Uri is a 20 year old Ba'al Teshuva suffering from this addiction, and having a very difficult time letting go of some of his past "friends". This past Thursday night, one of these "friends" called him up and said that her parents were out of the country and she asked if Uri would "come over"... Uri posted an SOS on the forum asking for help, and asked why it seemed sometimes that Yiddishkeit was a "sexually frustrating religion"... He was almost certain that he wouldn't be able to resist this "opportunity". Uri got tons of responses and Chizuk on the forum, but then he disappeared for a few hours (from posting) and everyone feared the worst. But lo and behold, he returned later and posted that he had been at the park, playing some guitar. He had left his cell-phone at home to make sure his "friend" couldn't reach him there. Later, he sent me a recording of his little trip. Download the recording here.
What power of the spirit, what a holy soul! When any of us feel tested, let us remember this recording and Uri's amazing victory!
Uri, Uri, Shir Da'Beiri!
Reb Uri -
I know what you mean when you say yiddishkeit is sexually frustrating. Let's just look at some facts on the ground though:
I don't know about you, but:
When I'm serving Lust, no amount of sex is enough.
When I'm serving lust, no one is pretty enough - once anyone prettier walks by!
When I'm serving Lust, there is no real room for anyone else, only for my needs.
When I'm serving Lust, I make poor choices that reduce my options in life to either "stupid", "bad", or "whatever".
When I'm serving Lust, I become more needy, rather than more independent.
When I'm serving Lust, I am ALWAYS HUNGRY. And I mean always.
So Lusting, not lack of sex, makes me frustrated.
Have you ever found satisfaction in acting out? I thought I did. But after a while, I discovered that it just imitates satisfaction by quieting the very pain of the neediness, in and of itself!
"Ahh, what a relief!... Not." That was actually quite a rip-off.
That has been my experience, monsieur. How about you?
Yiddishkeit obviously says "whoaa!", which is frustrating, especially to anyone who really feels entitled to X, to Y, and/or to Z. But in saying "wait!", it gives us a chance at using the framework that even my Roman Catholic sponsor in SA marvels at: A program for creating and maintaining sexual satisfaction in marriage. Look around you (or better yet, don't - ha,ha - sorry): would there be such $ucce$$ in the "sex-sells" industry if most folks were satisfied?
We yidden inherited a plan to help couples (if they want to use it for that) grow progressively and unexpectedly closer, by taking an inescapable monthly bodily process and turning it into an exercise that's cyclical, like everything else in life. It works if you work it. And our program to help not-yet-couple-people is: "The less you feed it, the less you need it". Don't feed it dumb dumb, the desire will just grow!
So, we all know we have desires, we are human, no? None of us are perfect, not even saints, they say... But we also all know what religion is really sexually frustrating. It's the religion of Lust, not yiddishkeit.
To another person hungry for the peace of Hashem's Love,
Dov