11th of Cheshvan, 5770 (significance of this date).
The above date marks 90 complete days from which I have broken free and preserved cleanliness.
Boruch Hashem, I can now tell you (first hand) that despite the unbelievable challenge and a spirit that has been torn apart, through strength and determination I now feel released from previous burden.
It has been a long, rough and wasteful past life, that is all it was. It's in the past. Its over. I have truly surrendered my compulsive behaviors to Hashem, who has granted me the blessing of victory.
"Nezach" means to be victorious, in addition to translating as 'forever'; may it be eternal.
My brothers and sisters, it is only by walking with Hashem, the eternal one, that we have any chance of succeeding or surviving our difficult tests.
Any time that I previously faced a challenge of such nature, without completely being dependant on Hashem I might not have survived. Internalize this core message, for it is the only way to reach the place that you want to be.
I have now reached a view point of tremendous heights, like I have climbed the highest mountains and despite the sweat, blood and tears - it's all worthwhile. The scenery at the top is fantastic. Its the greatest pleasure imaginable.
Please commit yourselves to quitting the imaginary pleasures of the mind, and dedicate yourselves wholeheartedly to walk with Hashem, just to reflect in his shaddow is bliss!
"The 11th of Cheshvan marks the new growth in the Divine root within us even in times of loss and destruction, just as Rachel is the root of her exiled children. It is the seed of Tishrei growing underground: we cannot see it, but we know it is there".
Life is far from perfect. But we must have ideals and dreams and strive to reach them. Time is precious because it's short and uncertain. Let's make each and every day count... Just do at least one thing worthwhile.
I have no idea how my life is going to develop from here, but at least now I believe more in myself and trust in Hashem that I am deserving of a good life and the blessings that I strive for.
BE STRONG AND DETERMINED AND YOUR INNER BEAUTY WILL SHINE.
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