Two days ago, after a night spent feeding my sickness, I stumbled across an ad for this site and suddenly my eyes began to open. There was hope and a way to deal with this. I told myself that Hashem sent me here for a reason, and that reason is to get better. I realized that for me, I would have to come clean with my wife. I could not go on living a lie. I told myself, I have a good relationship with my wife, telling her this may hurt or destroy that relationship, but I cannot live with this being a secret from her. I need her love, help and support to get through this. I thought to myself that "I am putting this in your hands Hashem. I will tell her the truth and you help my wife reach the right decision as to how to respond to this, and I accept your judgment." That morning I finally confessed to my wife that I have this addiction. To say the least, she was shocked! She was upset as well. We spoke for a while and she began to express her love, support, and belief in me. To say the least, it was as if a huge load was taken off my shoulders.
I realize that I may still fall again, but I am committed to accepting that I have a problem and I need to do what I can to fix it. Every person that is here is a tremendous chizuk to the next person. Without seeing the forums, I do not know if I would have found the strength to take these first steps. Today will be my second day clean. It is a baby step and I have a lot to learn, but with all your help, I know we will make it.