There are moments when I feel that God is trying to snap his fingers at me (perhaps impatiently)... Like the day I went to my first SA meeting. That morning I was like, "am I gonna go? Am I not? How much of a flake will I be if I go?" And as I was really struggling with whether I'm too tough to go to SA, I was listening to my favorite radio guy and he is one tough sonovabitch, the last person you would think of as flakey... And he had this guest on, a celebrity chef who was telling over her life story... and amazingly enough, she started talking about her recovery through the 12 steps. And she started talking about the serenity prayer and the radio jock - Mr. toughie - says "of course I know the serenity prayer. I recovered from drugs and alcohol through the 12 steps and AA". And I was like "Woah, that was pretty cool"...
Okay, so I went to my first SA meeting and I learned some interesting things... Basically, none of my fears were realized and I am looking forward to tomorrow's meeting.
If nothing else I feel good that I am at least taking some sort of action to address this disease instead of just sitting back and letting the disease eat away at me and kill me...
So I am a newbie again... I got a token that commits me to come back to meetings or something... Looks like a poker chip and it has the serenity prayer etched on it... Hashem, please help me get right cuz if this fails I'm really screwed...
So I went to meeting two today... so far so good... Since I've been going I've had no slips or falls, and none wanted and none needed... I feel re-energized and revitalized and hoping that this course of action can bring me back some serenity....
I still don't know how to work the 12 steps and I am hoping the meetings may be a step into learning what to do...But one instant reward is, that at the meetings you meet people that have been through so much worse situations than you and (1) you become grateful for what you have and (2) you see that, "hey, if these guys can do it, there's no reason why you can't do it too".