The Library

Last night was my close friend's birthday so he decided to go out for a meal and then to see a certain film in the cinema. I had a look at the parental guide of the film, and decided that it's definitely not for me, and it will definitely not benefit my recovery...Howeve...

I remember once, when I was a child, I had a very close relationship with Hashem. Then, over the years, I only checked-in once in a while. By my twenties, I knew He was here, but I wasn't about to be another "true believer." I needed proof. So I told Him, "I'm not going ...

A German Yid once traveled to the tzaddik Reb Pinchas of Koritz to request a bracha for his daughter who had suddenly become blind. "The reason," said Reb Pinchas, "is that her father is also blind and this is a hereditary disease." The Yid protested, "But my eyes are per...

A beautiful post from "Chasdei Avos" on the forum (after not hearing from him for a few months): I am indebted to everyone here for all eternity, because bli ayin hora with ezras Hashem always, I have been clean almost as a whistle, since rosh chodesh Elul. Hashem should ...

RATM found us about 3 weeks ago and wrote as follows: I was googling "p*rn" when this site came up. I was not looking for anything like this. I first browsed this site with a mix of curiosity and contempt. Like many here, I have been battling ...

Today is day 25. B'H I see improvement everyday, but I still have a long way to go. I had an amazing thing happen to me yesterday. I was driving around near my office looking for a place to park, and a woman in a car drove in front of me. After the first look,...

I've been slipping a lot lately and I felt like a total failure. This past Shabbos, the last thing I felt was holy. Then out of the blue I picked up the sefer 'The garden of Emunah' by Rav Arush and I opened it to a random page. And this is what I read as soon as I opened...

Although going strong for 28 days now, I almost just lost it due to "a regular everyday news story". As I was logging on to my e-mail account, there was a story about a controversial picture on the front cover of a magazine. Out of habit I clicked on it, but soon came to ...

I was feeling down, thinking I'm fooling myself for thinking that I can be a clean and holy person... I aint holy... thinking it's gonna come a-crashin down soon... I went to get a bagel and I saw the cover of the New York Post and had a change of heart. It said: HOLY RAG...

I am doing pretty well and got to see first hand some of the hashgacha pratis that I have read about on this site. It happened two days ago. I was pretty low and it was late and I found myself typing out an all-too familiar web address. I told myself that I didn't really ...

Something pretty amazing just happened to me. I was about to start Googling certain things (with my fake "innocent" thoughts that "it's not so bad"), and all of a sudden my Internet just completely stopped working. I couldn't click on anything. Hashem was saying to me, "y...

Last night while waiting for a red light to change, I saw some poison. Except it looked appetizing. I looked away immediately, but felt the voices in my head saying, "hey, you looked! I think you looked for a second too long anyway, why not look again? You anyway blew it!...

This morning I woke up very early (4:30 AM) and I was tempted to see what I could find on my Sky-TV. I am so sorry that I fell for this temptation in the first place and nearly slipped. However, I flicked through a few channels to try and get something which I should not ...

I'm writing from my cell-phone now. I am presently in one of the newest, most gashmiusdik airport terminals, and I was beginning to get carried away by all the sights and smells.... Suddenly I felt a vibration in my pocket; it was the GYE email with tons of chizuk! That w...

I had a not very great experience over Shabbos, but it ended well. I was bored and restless in the middle of Shabbos night, and my old habits came back to me. I wasn't even in the mood - I didn't even have desire. But acting out is a strong habit. You do it sometimes just...

I've been doing pretty good lately B"H, using a combination of strong filters and vows to keep myself clean. This morning though, while I was just getting up and still feeling groggy, I got a crazy idea in my head. I had thought of something inappropriate that my filter w...

A couple weeks ago I flew in from California to NY for a wedding. It was difficult for me because I didn't really know anyone, and I had a really empty feeling in my stomach; you know, that feeling that I am "missing something" that leads to bad things. So I called a frie...

I was lying in bed last night, literally weeping, thinking about my father who passed away a little while ago. I began to think maybe I should push off my struggle for a less emotionally trying period. I began to think about slipping. I then opened up yesterday's chizuk e...