The Library

One guy wrote about his fall:

I had a great few days, but I was feeling weak today. I just convinced myself that I needed one quick peek and then I lost control.

I need to install K9 on my computer. No more half measures. How can I get someone else to hold the password for me? (Preferably someone who is on-line a lot in case I honestly need to make changes).

It seems that whenever I fall once, a second fall happens soon after... Once I am down in the dirt, I often end up exploring...

I'm feeling sorta down now - any ideas how to give myself a kick in the pants to get back up? Day "0" seems infinitely far from "90" :-(

"7Up" Replied:

I'm so sorry to hear about your fall.
You are right; there are no half measures in this war.

Once you're down in the dirt and exploring the area...
...search until you find that little treasure Hashem hid there just for you...
...see it? There it is!
A tiny seed. Got it?
Now plant it, right there next to you.
Done?
Good. Now get up, cuz you need to go find some water for it.
Keep a good eye on that spot...
Because soon a little sprout will show its head, and then a branch and trunk and leaves.
Before you know it, the world will be enjoying the fruits of that tree...

- and all because you used that fall in the dirt and turned it into something positive!

See this cute "Kabbala Toons" Clip from Chabad.org!

GYE Replied:

Dear Yid,

Sorry to hear... Sometimes Hashem causes us to fall just so we realize that we're beat. I remember how you once mentioned on the forum that you're "a fighter by nature"... It's funny because we've had a few guys who have expressed similar sentiments on the forum in the past, but somehow none of those guys did very well until they finally admitted that this addiction had them whipped. Once they reached that recognition of powerlessness, they were able to start building a true connection to Hashem (by virtue of our "needing" Him to help us). Ironically, "Powerlessness" is like a foundation upon which we can start to build our recovery. Once we truly know that only He can help us, we are able to ask for His help with humility and a broken heart, and He really does help!

What you write about how that "one quick peek" led to total loss of control is so typical of addictions. You see, most people can "drink like a gentleman" (as they say in Alcoholics Anonymous) or lust "just a little" and then move on... But an addict can not do that. We have developed an "allergy" to our drug, in our case - lust. We "go to pieces" over that "first sip" and simply can't stop. So there's one important lesson you learned from your fall: Just like an Alkie must avoid that "first sip" at all costs, we must avoid that "first slip" at all cost!

Have you considered joining Duvid Chaim or Boruch's 12-Step phone groups to learn the secrets to finding freedom from this addiction? (See this page for info on the phone calls).

As far as installing a filter... we have a special "filter Gabai" now on GYE. You can reach him at filter.gye@gmail.com. He can save your password for you, as well as help you whenever you need to make any changes. He is on-line almost all the time.Please follow the instructions on this page. (See also the important comments at the bottom).

As far as motivation goes, did you know that today is the FIRST DAY of the rest of your life?? :-) ... Don't look at 90 days. All we have is TODAY. We aren't aiming for 90 days as a goal in-and-of-itself, it is just a step in our goal to get closer to Hashem. By learning the lessons of this fall, and by admitting to Hashem that you can't do it without His help, and by putting up better fences, you can achieve TODAY a closeness to Hashem that is even more profound than when you'll be at day 90!!

And of course, I can't emphasize enough the importance of reading through the GYE Handbook and the Attitude Handbook. Through them you can explore all the tools available for breaking free of the addiction, plus learn the proper attitude to maintain in this struggle.

Stick with us. We'll get through this TOGETHER.