Before I started on my road to recovery, I was pretty numb to reality. Words and actions spoken and performed by others and myself mattered little to me, since any bruises from the bumps in life could be numbed by an unhealthy painkiller.
Now that I am emerging from the mess, I find myself much more attuned to the world around me. I can gain joy from everyday life again, and I've recaptured some of the happiness of childhood. However, as an adult, I have to face a lot more responsibilities than I did as a child, responsibilities that snuck up on me as I was in my medicated daze, which I had handled clumsily or half-heartedly.
When I was under the influence, I could act brazenly and haughtily, insult and shame without repercussion, since any pain or insult I collected in the process would be taken away.
So together with the joy of cleanliness and reality, I have to face the bumps in the road as well. I have never learned to cope with stress in human interactions in a healthy way, and I need guidance.
What is the right way to deal with the stress of living?
I really like how you expressed your question. You hit the nail on the head - and you are NOT-ALONE! That is literally the entire purpose of the 12-Step program; not to teach us how to STOP acting-out, rather to address HOW TO LIVE REAL LIFE without resorting to the drug.. i.e. letting go of stress, resentments, the need for control, etc... This is what we learn in 12-Step groups and through working the steps with a sponsor. Can you join an SA group in your area? Or have you considered joining Duvid Chaim's 12-Step phone group - or Boruch's group? See this page for the various options.
P.S. See also Chizuk e-mail #478 on this page for more on "Dealing with Stress"