Scared of Eternal Suffering?

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Scared of Eternal Suffering?

Starting from around fifth grade, I masturbated daily for about 6 and a half years. Baruch Hashem, in 11th grade I finally stopped. That was 2 years ago, and since then I have been struggling with porn. Baruch Hashem, I have seen significant improvement, and in the past 7 months I have only fell twice in that regard.
Ever since I discovered GYE, I have learned a lot about the reality of addiction. I have a lot of gratitude to the people (tzadikim) who run GYE, and to Hashem for leading me to it.

The problem I'm facing now is that much of what I saw in toiradige sources regarding masturbation is extremely terrifying. For example, the gemaras that say there is no tshuva and the meforshim explain that this means that the tshuva is almost impossible. That in order to do tshuva you have to fast 84 fasts for every time you were mz"l. That you create thousands of "sons" who get trapped in tumadige place and become evil and are mekatrig against you, and they drag you down to gehinom after you die and give you "kibud av" feeding you HOT COALS and dressing you in clothes of manure etc... Tfillos are not answered, all your mitzvos and Toirah go to the sitra achra etc...

How is a person, who was nichshal in this aveira for so long and has emuna that these things are true, supposed to react to this? I know that the prevailing mehalach on GYE is to focus on what helps a person achieve sobriety and that focusing on these things is usually detrimental to that. However, if we believe this is true and this is real, then how can a person (addict) ever be happy? Knowing that the day he dies all sorts of horrors await. Whatever you call a lust addict, whether or not he's not in control, I don't see any way of getting around these horrible things.

Please tell me how I can still have real hope and happiness because this is quite depressing.

Thank you,

Scared Witless

obormottel • Sunday, 29 May 2016

Dear Scared Witless,

The Tzadikim have already addressed this Zohar that implies there is no Teshuvah for this, and offered numerous answers and explanations. It’s not our topic, but the point is, you can definitely do teshuva even for this, and it does not contradict the Zohar in the slightest bit! The 84 fasts and all these other suggestions were for previous generations, not for our generation at all.

Teshuvah was created even before the world was created, and Hashem knew that we would stumble in these areas. Hashem has infinite patience and He understands us far better than we understand ourselves. Chazal say that Hashem even brought David Hamelech to stumble with Bas Sheva, only to show us the incredible power of Teshuvah.

Also, it is brought down in the Holy books that, through a sincere Teshuvah, all the souls that we created through our sins actually become uplifted, and they change from being “accusing angels” to “defending angels” instead.

By learning the proper perspective on this struggle and by taking the steps we can to break free, we are doing exactly what Hashem intended for us to do all along. That is our Teshuvah.

Take this iron-clad rule: If you do what you think Hashem wants, and you really mean it sincerely, you will never be harmed. The Pasuk says: “In all your ways you shall know Hashem, and he will straighten out your path for you”. Chaza"l say: “Hashem did not give Torah to angels,” and they also say: “Hakadosh Baruch Hu does not come and try harassing his creations [giving them tasks that are too hard].”

Also, keep in mind that the past is out of our hands. All Hashem asks of us is the NOW. If we learned from our falls and take real steps to prevent them in the future and work on our recovery NOW, we are doing real Teshuva and making Hashem happy. And you are doing fantastic in this area!

So keep up the good work!

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