Besides for struggling with this addiction, I keep seeing other women and wondering if I married the right one. Do I really like my wife? Do I click with her? Am I really attracted to her? It’s driving me mad. Also, always being together with the same person becomes like a chore after a while. How do I rekindle our intimate life?
Dear Jew,
It's not about rekindling your intimate life; rather, it’s more about a complete change in our attitude. As long as we don't have full control over our addiction, we are not letting go of lust and no woman will ever be enough for us, not our wife, and not 20 other women either.
Along these lines, someone recently posted on the forum:
R' Chaim Wosner writes in his sefer "Reai Chaim" about this problem, and what he writes basically is,"stop staring at the girl in the bank and you will see how your interest in your wife will come back".
See also this page of our FAQ
When we begin to heal from this addiction and start working on our giving, our marriage takes on a whole new meaning.
We can all learn a lot from Dov in this respect. He has posted some really beautiful pieces about his marriage, and the transformation his relationship has undergone as he let go of "lust" and began to focus more on living for others… Here are a few powerful posts from him that I think can help you get some good perspective:
- Please read "What can I do for You" in Chizuk e-mail #534 on this page.
- Read also Dov's response in e-mail #550 on that same page as well.
- And read "The Currency of Marriage" in Chizuk e-mail #606 on this page.
Read also the book "In the Garden of Peace" By Rav Shalom Arush. It has changed many people’s lives and marriages.