I was bedridden for a day with the flu and while I was nauseous, weak and miserable, I had one of the hardest days in terms of wanting to sin that I've had in a while. Everything was a trigger!!! What’s going on with me?
This is very common. With any addiction, addicts use their "drug of choice" to medicate and sooth themselves whenever they feel uncomfortable with life, whether that be caused by depression, illness, stress, or what we call R.I.D (R estlessness, I rritability and D iscontent). That is why when we feel sick we often want to "act-out" even more than usual.
When I feel sick or weak physically, that's when I'm more vulnerable.
I have to agree with what I'm reading here about vulnerability. I can remember times when I have been horribly sick and still pursued impurity. How could it be that I had no energy to do anything, and still found the energy to do that? Sickness and depression seem to me to be strangely related this way. I have noticed that both come along with an increased vulnerability to the Yetzer Hara.
The whole issue with lust being our "drug of choice" is resonating strongly with me. In past battles against my lust addiction, I've always wondered how it could be that I was able to act out even when I had the flu. Even when I could barely get out of bed, somehow I would find the energy to act out. Looking at my acting out – my lust – as my "drug of choice" though, explains why I did this and where the energy came from.