The Library

In the depths, in darkness
Double life to hide the mess
Could take it no longer
For a way out, I ponder
Guided from Above to GYE
Shown so many tools, how to get free
Begin my journey, enthusiasm high
Invest efforts, the days go by
Accumulating, the numbers grow
It gets easier to overcome, to let go
90 days pass, triggers become rare
Now on other struggles my focus shares
Months go by, I almost don’t remember
That there’s a reason why I’m a GYE member
The struggles I knew so intimately
No longer affected me, only barely

Sleepy one night, caught unaware
Unprepared, fell into the snare
Just like that – fell all the way
Mind in shock and disbelief, the next day
Pained deeply, did teshuva genuinely
Recommitted to be extra vigilant, be on guard constantly
Hopes dashed, fell again
Despair creeping in, numbing the pain
So confused and bewildered
How has this struggle returned?
Reached out for clarity to understand
Was advised that in life struggles don’t end
As long as I’m alive, there’s work to do
Continue trying, working, stand up anew
So I’m back fighting again, daily
Remembering there’s purpose in each struggle individually
Focus on the moment is what I need
Please Hashem, give me the strength to succeed