Uri is a 21 year old with SA (sexual addiction). He suffers from depression and comes from an insecure home. He's been "rocking" our forum for the past half a year with his emotional and inspiring posts, but he took a break from the forum for a few weeks when his sex-addiction therapist suggested that he connect more with real life as opposed to the "virtual life" on the computer. But now he's back in full swing - and in honor of his return I'd like to bring today a bunch of great posts from Uri from the past few days. Uri's posts are especially precious because in them, Uri shares with us the wisdom that he is internalizing from his sex-addiction therapist.
Sorry I haven't posted here in a while.
I was at Rav Shlachter and today we discussed "feelings".
First, let's review the three basics of life:
- Fear
- Control
- Trust
According to his opinion (and I challenged it no end till I saw its truth), life basically revolves around these three things.
We have fear (insecurities and such) and we need a feeling of security - a feeling of being emotionally alive; existential security. That is most fundamental thing of all.
We often run to "controls", which are illusionary forms of escape.
This could be: sex, shutting down, food, alcohol, sleep, depression, etc...
The secret is, that if we would just not run to those controls and instead just be aware of our fears, then naturally we would come to a feeling of trust. We'd find trust naturally. By just being honest with ourselves and with how we feel, and by doing the right thing by being real, this alone would give us the courage to face our fears.
The more we turn to these "controls", the less we trust and know how to trust.
And along those lines, we discussed emotions and talked about being honest with ourselves about how we feel.
"I am feeling a strong sense of insecurity."
"I feel helpless."
"I feel afraid."
"I feel angry."
Get this...
The more we run from a fear, the more it controls us. Because now we've "sealed" our fate. We can't face this fear. We will always be on the defense from it, and we will always be worried that it will creep up on us.
By escaping to p**n, we are handing control over to the p**n.
Let it go.
Rav Shlachter has full faith that anyone who undertakes to be real with themselves about their emotions and accept them, will advance greatly in healing from their addiction.