I thought you disappeared
You monster called addiction
I let myself believe that I’ll be safe.
I thought I could enjoy
The gift called sobriety
And my trust won’t be broken yet again.
And then
Like a bullet rammed into my heart
My bubble was shot
And my complacency, serenity, and security
Oozed right out onto the floor
And trickled away.
Why do you have such power over me
You black monster?
If I could
I’d strangle you, squeeze all the air out of you
Hit you
Step on you
Crush you.
How dare you ruin my life again?
How dare you take away what I deserve?
How dare you rob me of my innocence,
Strip my home of purity?
Who gave you permission to invade my life?
Prancing in there like you never left
What chutzpa you have to waltz in
And then out, ever so casually
Without any warning or hint that you were coming
And then you leave so quickly
As if you never came.
I’m not forgetting you so fast this time,
You vicious, vile, poisonous monster
I’m gonna catch you next time
Before you come too close
And break my heart all over again
BUT
I’m powerless
Can’t block you, break you, beat you
Can’t catch you, crush you, control you
Or cure you,
And I definitely didn’t cause you
You are bigger than me
You’ll win me every time
You’ll have power over me no matter what I do.
But guess what,
You slippery, slimy, smelly sickness
Today, I have something new in my pocket
That wasn’t there before
And now, I don’t need to fight you anymore
Because what I’ve got in my pocket
Is so powerful, that it will fight FOR me
If I let
It’s called Higher Power
And He is so strong, way stronger than you,
So I don’t need to be scared of you anymore,
I don’t need to cower in the corner as you do your dirty work
All I need to do
Is reach my hand out
And acknowledge that I can’t defeat you alone
And as I turn my will and my life over to the care of G-d
I will receive new gifts
Of sobriety, serenity, dignity, and emotional growth.