A typical struggling Yeshiva guy wrote to Dov for advice. (He had not progressed to a real addiction level yet). Here is some of what he wrote:
"I guess I would say that my ratzon does not meet up with what I intellectually know and want. After Yeshiva, when I first "stumbled", I felt awful. But as time progressed, I don't feel bad anymore. The worst thing is that after years of reading material and trying to stop, I do not see an end in sight.
I am no expert, of course, as I am just a powerless addict. My addiction takes me so far from reality in my mind, and so far from real relationships with others, and so far from any kind of acceptable behavior - that I react by isolating, hiding, and lying. The guilt of it becomes a weight that I cannot carry and I finally gave up, allowed the truth to come out to safe people (other sick people like me), and allowed Hashem to help me for a change. Till then I did not allow Him to help me (though I asked Him for help hundreds of times). I just was not at all ready for the help I really needed. It didn't hurt enough yet - but all that changed a few years later, thank-G-d, when the pain became unbearable. And here I am.
So, who am I to have an opinion on what's right for you to do about your problem? We are different, you and I. I am a drunk, plain and simple. I tried to get better but just kept getting worse, it took over my mind and eventually my life, and progressed further and further. I do not know if I ever experienced what you describe. Maybe I did, when I was between 11 and 15, maybe I was already sold to it from the very start. I do not know.
In any case, what you describe sounds to me like what Chaza"l refer to as "keivan sh'ovar odom aveiro, eventually na'aseh lo k'heter" (when a person continuously transgresses a sin, it becomes to him as permitted) - k'heter means just that: he does not fight it any more, for it really becomes acceptable to him. His 'religious' mechanism no longer has any grip on it and fails completely.
Furthermore, since sexuality is part of what it means to be human, especially in the case of a young man, it is quite common to experience overwhelming desire for sexual feelings and to employ fantasy in our minds. The masturbation follows quite naturally and predictably. So, that needs to be admitted: Though it is bad for me and not what Hashem wants for me, I do have a netiyah toward this, as many others do. It does not make you a rosho. Now deal with it.
Learning how to deal with this tayvoh - for a normal yid/person - is becoming a Jewish man. You are building yourself, here, right now. Really. Putting our sexual energy into our learning and doing Chessed for others is exactly what Hashem wants. That is obviously what Chaza"l mean when they say "keivon shepogah b'cho menuval zeh, moshchei hu l'veis hamidrash" - take Him with you and use your body for Torah and maysim tovim. Look in R Wolbe's sefer Alei Shur, for example, for more on this (at least that's how I understand him). And that's Odom ki yomus baOhel - it's surrendering the natural lusts a bit and is a bit like dying. In the Ohel. The pleasure of learning, of horveh-ing in Toah and maysim tovim needs to be where we feel the vitality, the connection, the fulfillment. The Kitzur advises just this, if you read it carefully. And see the hakdomah to the Eglei Tal, too, about simcha in learning.
While I am at it, I will throw in an enthusiastic plug for any and all writings/tapes from R' Tzvi-Meyer Zilverberg Shlit"a ("Divrei Chizzuk" on the chumash), and for Rav Itamar Schwartz's series, "Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh" (especially his sefer - translated well into English - "Da Es Atzm'cha - Getting to Know Yourself"). All are life-changing and deal directly with our personal connection with Hashem and with appreciating our avodah, our struggles, and our lives in general as G-d's people.
I feel that the typical struggling yeshivah-guy's annoying and scary tayvoh for schmutz is mainly powered by two things:
1- the fact that we have sexuality - that part is not going away. It's an instinct. Not to compulsively go and find porn, though. That's not an instinct at all. But to be excited by it and feel something intense from it - that's natural and part of the human body/heart. Put in Torah-lingo, 'Yesod' is connection. It wants to bring everything together and connect it to something that will make it all meaningful and make it all 'work'. We feel that tendency as it is expressed in our bodies as very real. We are fooled to think that is it's true expression. It is not. Lust and Zera levatolah connect us to an abyss - an insatiable, gaping hole that leads only to the inability to make any real connections, at all. Eventually, we become disconnected from our very selves. (If you are so inclined, see the beautiful way the AA book, "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" treats natural instincts gone overboard, in Steps 4-7. A good read. I believe I heard similar ideas from Rav Noach Weinberg, zt"l.)
Thankfully, it is not the main power behind compulsive schmutz-use.
2- The pain of dissatisfaction with life, fear that things will not get any better, and being pathetic. Torn hearts from poisonous relationships, sometimes from abuse in our youth, or fears that plague us for whatever reason. The pain of Disconnection and futility that many folks feel is ubiquitous. It seems to be part of the human condition. And like the air we breathe, we do not even notice that it is the backdrop of too much of our lives. It creates an emptiness that pleasure (or sometimes, pain) seems to mask effectively.
Are we calmly happy when we are alone and all is quiet? If we are, then we generally do not need schmutz-entertainment to drown out the noise of the nay-sayers under our beds. We may desire lust entertainment or even masturbation from time to time because of #1 (we are not dead yet!)... but we will not feel we need it day in and day out. Hey - it feels good. That's why there is s'char for not doing it, like lots of other things that we may desire!
Addicts probably have these things too. But they seem to have sold themselves to the drug. I am one of them. You do not seem to be sick in the head as I am. You seem to be a man who is human, not perfect, definitely not dead yet (till 120!).
So get chizzuk, look into the things I wrote above, and stay in contact with others like you who are struggling and need to learn how to focus on the good life, not with those who just sit around and want to talk about the problem. Yechhh. The guys who talk of making the struggle against tayvoh and zerah levatolah as the focus of their lives need to be avoided like the plague. The more we focus on it, the more we identify with it and the more we get dirtied with it, till we get destroyed, c"v. (Lot's of s'forim say that, but people seem to ignore it cuz they just get carried away with the struggle.)
Remember, the G'morah tells of Tannaim who thumbed their noses in disdain at the YH in some fashion (I think it's near the end of Kiddushin). The YH was given r'shus to resoundingly embarrass each of them and to personally tell each of them that the YH is potentially more powerful than people - even great people. Even non-addicts need Hashem to help them with the YH and with their bodies, and with their lives. A bit of real humility is key, here. Without it, I think it is hopeless. Just do not become a shmateh, either (except for Hashem to use!).