My experience was (and is) that people who are already attached to addiction do not start 'running to', or 'utilizing' healthy relationships with Hashem and people simply because of a deep decision to be good. Talking about 'waking up that latent emunah and bitachon in Hashem' is often just silly talk. Most who I have seen have just gotten more religious - and kept progressing in using their drug. It leads to shocking scandals that break up marriages, destroy the lives of innocent children of those parents, and does not really go away. And neither does our problem.
We seem to need real, awkward help to learn how to come to Hashem, how to use Him, and how to have healthy relationships again. We must be twisted in all those areas - for only by being twisted yidden, fathers, and husbands, can we actually tolerate years of having a 'marriage' and being 'frum' - while doing all the crazy things we do in addiction! It's all about hiding from everyone and even from ourselves...so recovery requires us to get over the shame and to get our insides out - or we do not get better. Well, at least that is the way it works for me.
I got (and get) the help I need to get 'untwisted' by watching other people like me doing it and by asking for and following some direction. That is what I get from meetings, having a sponsor, and sponsoring others.
I too went to a shrink, and the main benefit of it was that it helped me take my recovery seriously. It helped me get clarity in how goofy my thinking really was - and how shockingly comfortable I really was with my own twisted thinking. It was very helpful. It didn't heal me at all - but it helped me get into the healing business. It also gave my wife and I a much - needed neutral ground while I get straightened out and could actually start getting better through a miracle that I am still living today. It's the same exact miracle as He did for me on day 1.
So hatzlocha in counseling and please know that you are far from alone. The recovery rooms I go to in SA, for example, are filled with guys whose wives said the very same thing your wife is saying to you. We betrayed our wives trust and keep the lie alive by hiding it. That is not 'loving'. From the moment we went to lust we betrayed our wives, ourselves, Hashem, and lots of other people who thought we were OK, like our kids, for example. 'Getting caught' had surprisingly little to do with the betrayal, really. That was news to me, alright. But by the same token, some (like myself) believe that you have the right to not say anything without professional help first. Do what you think you need to and learn how to really love this woman for a change.
Hatzlocha. Hashem will help you if you let Him, or probably even if you don't... the help just doesn't usually come in as pleasant a form, that way.
Love,
Dov