The Library

The addiction is often a sign that we are missing some of the most basic principles of what it means to be a human being, created in the image of Hashem.

The addiction is more powerful than us, and if we try to fight it head on we will almost always lose. Once we are standing at the edge of the cliff, we are very vulnerable to falling off of it. Instead, we must stay as far away from the edge of the cliff as possible. Therefore, one of the most powerful tools in this struggle is making good fences.

Hashem doesn’t make defective goods. There is never room for despair or shame. Healthy “guilt” is important.  The guilty feelings we have are a gift from Hashem that come from the inherent good inside every Jew.

Ultimately, only Hashem can overcome the addiction for us. As Chazal say: “If Hashem doesn’t help him, he cannot overcome him” (the Yetzer Hara).

When we talk about recovery and emotional health, our physical body is a critical factor in the equation. Getting enough sleep, good nutrition and especially exercise, add a whole lot more to our "spiritual centeredness and emotional well being" than most people give it credit for. As the Pasuk says, "Venishmartem Me'od Li’nafshoseichem -and you shall vigilantly guard your wellbeing".

Although the spiritual damage we cause by acting out is very great, we must accept that Hashem brought us into this situation and that it is not all our fault. Let us never dwell on how it happened, or on past falls.

We frequently focus on breaking the addiction by avoiding triggers and running away from the Yetzer Hara. But often the best way to deal with an addiction, is to remove the underlying "needs" that the addiction is trying to fill by proactively engaging inalternative fulfilling pursuits.

If we experience a fall, we must never let it get us down.  Getting depressed is exactly what the Yetzer Hara wants, and it leads to a vicious cycle of continued falls.  This is the truest test of an eved Hashem.

Take the struggle only “one day at a time.” Try never to focus on the future or wonder how we will manage. We must learn to live in the present only, focusing on staying "clean" or "sober" right NOW.

To succeed in this struggle, it is important for us to get fresh perspective and Chizuk each day.  Chazal say that the Yetzer Hara renews his attack on us every day.  Our network provides daily Chizuk e-mails with antidotes, tips, articles, and quotes from our sages, therapists, and fellow strugglers, to help us break free of this addiction.

Hashem doesn’t seek great successes and big achievements from us. Whether we succeed in a big way or not, is ultimately His business. All He asks from us is that we try to get a little stronger every day and do what we can at this point in time.

It is not for nothing that our network is called "Guard Your Eyes". The most obvious practical step to conquering lust addiction is learning to guard our eyes. This is the cornerstone of breaking free, and it's obvious why: We can't lust for that which we don't see!

We must recognize how insidious the addiction is, how it continues to tell us lies, getting us to act out again and again. Each time we act out, we make it harder to heal from the addiction in the long term.

The notion that we must always succeed actually turns us into easy prey for our Yetzer Hara.  When an army goes out to battle, do they always win?  Are there never casualties?  People injured?

Often a person is not truly ready to admit they have a problem, seek help and be willing to make real changes in their lives unless they have “hit bottom” first.  One of the goals of the GYE community is to help people “Hit bottom while still on top.

Having the proper perspective and attitude on this struggle can make all the difference. Often people write to us saying that had they only known the proper perspective and attitude guidelines that we discuss on our network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into the addiction in the first place!

We must believe that coin after coin are added to our “spiritual bank” every time we say “no” to the Yetzer Hara, no matter how insignificant it may seem to us at the time.

Some people think that if they are unmarried and have no outlet, they cannot possibly remain clean indefinitely. This is patently false.  Some people today are under the misconception that these behaviors are healthy or even necessary for the body. This is completely untrue.