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Principle 4: Determination is completely up to us
The Vilna Gaon says that what a person says they want, and even what they feel they want, has no relation to what they actually want. The Yetzer Hara was given permission to make a person feel they want something they really don't. And the same goes for what a person feels they can or cannot do. This has no relation to what they can or can't do in reality. So believe you will succeed, even if you feel you can’t!
The biggest obstacle to succeeding is not believing you can succeed. The first impediment to overcoming this struggle is not in your genes, your childhood or your environment. If you believe you can succeed and are willing to make the effort, you will find the way out. Absolutely NOTHING stands in the way of a true RATZON. You can read the recovery stories on our site to see that many people even worse off than you have successfully broken free of these behaviors.
We must truly want to break free of this Mitzrayim. Chazal say that those who didn’t want to leave Mitzrayim died in the plague of darkness. Already at the outset of our journey, we must be determined that we will never give up and always keep trying, no matter what.
R' Tzadok HaKohen of Lublin writes (Tzidkas Hatzadik 154): "Just as one must believe in Hashem, so too, one must believe in himself!" Hashem wants us to BELIEVE in our strengths, our capabilities, and in our ability to overcome evil and achieve greatness.
Although we might feel stuck, determination is completely up to us. The trick to ultimate success is only to want enough. So let’s be honest with ourselves. If we find that we don’t want to let go fully of the lust, let’s ask ourselves “why not?” Do we really need the lust? What is it doing for us? There are so many far more important things in life! When we try to hold on to the poison of lust, we are acting like little babies who kick and scream when their father tries to take the colorful little medicine pills that they thought were candies, away from them. Lust is poison! If we keep feeding it, it will ultimately destroy our lives. Let’s let our loving Father take it away from us.