Chapter 40- Avoiding Triggers
An effective plan of avoiding challenges must include limiting our exposure to triggers. By being careful to avoid anything that might spark our feelings of desire, we will dramatically limit the number of challenges we face.
Every person has his own list of triggers that awaken his desires. These triggers can include people, objects, words, or situations that remind him of times when he yearned to give in. For example, Rabbi Shafier relates (Shmuz 145: “Stages of Change Part III: Taking Action”) that a drug addiction counselor told him that he advises his clients to stay out of Manhattan because the top of the Empire State Building reminds them of a hypodermic needle! It activates their addictive feelings and triggers their cravings for drugs.
A trigger can be something small that reminds us of something we desire, even if others would never react that way. When we encounter our triggers and are reminded of something we find exciting, our dormant feelings of desire might awaken and put us in a real challenge. Though of course we hope to control ourselves, we cannot guarantee what will happen when our desires awaken.
Thus, if we want to maintain control, we must avoid situations that might trigger our feelings of desire. Even if we won’t for sure see something forbidden and it therefore seems technically permitted, we must not expose ourselves. The point is not whether it is actually forbidden to enter the situations that might trigger our desire. Rather, our goal is to live with complete control, and the way to do so is to avoid feeling desire whenever possible. The more time that passes between cravings, the weaker they become. Thus, by not only avoiding actual temptation or ability to sin but also avoiding personal triggers, we will spend far less time feeling desire. Because we will face fewer challenges, we will be less likely to sin. And even when we are challenged, we won’t be affected as strongly because our desires will be weaker. It will be easier to overcome our desires and maintain self-control.
Further, by limiting the times we are exposed to desire and distancing our urges from each other, we will have time when we are completely free from desire. We will be free from the unhappiness that comes from unfulfilled desires. This break from needing what we can’t get will allow us to enjoy some tranquility and happiness. And even more important, it will give us the clarity to think about what we want out of life.
To limit your exposure to triggers, you must first figure out what your triggers are. The best way to do this is to use the notebook technique from Chapter 15. If you have not used this technique, at least think back to your last few battles with desire. Try to understand the pattern of what caused desire to flare up. Also, remember that many triggers are sights or situations that remind the person of prior temptations. Therefore, look out for anything that might remind you of a past situation in which you felt strong desire.
Once you have figured out some things that trigger your desires, you want to avoid them if possible. If they cannot be avoided or it would be a huge inconvenience to avoid them, you can prepare yourself for desire so it does not catch you off guard, as we discussed in Chapters 14-15.
Protecting ourselves from situations that might awaken our desires is a vital technique. If we do what we can with the proper guidance, we can take away a significant chunk of the yetzer hara’s ammunition in the battle of the generation.
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