In his amazing lecture entitled “Why Be Jewish?” Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky teaches a vital lesson for life. There are many times when we must make difficult decisions. Often, we cannot have it all — we must choose between the options. In these situations, there is no easy way out. Taking a passive course of action is also a choice with its own ramifications. We must decide what we really want in life and what we are willing to live without.
This applies particularly to challenges involving desire. It is impossible for us to feel the thrill of being successful in the battle against the yetzer hara and at the same time give in to our desires. We have to choose between the two; we cannot have both. If we decide that we just can’t give up what we desire because we will miss out on too much, we won’t be able to feel good about ourselves. Giving in makes us look down on ourselves. When we run after our desires and feel guilty, we are unable to be happy. Therefore, not choosing to stand up against our desires is a decision in itself, and unfortunately, it is a decision to be miserable. What do we want in life: true happiness and accomplishment or cheap physical thrills with misery? Choosing to be a slave to our passions means missing out on the most incredible life ever. If we don’t stand up and fight our way out of the clutches of desire, we will miss out on an exhilarating, meaningful life.
Choosing happiness instead of pleasure is not a sacrifice. We only miss out on a bit of pleasure that comes along with emotional torture, while we gain the most thrilling feeling we can experience. When we make the right decisions with the proper attitude, we can taste real success and be happy. We will truly not be missing anything.
We must remember that the feeling that we are missing out on a great experience comes from the yetzer hara, who is trying to trick us and hurt us. We certainly should not trust these emotions and base our decisions on them. Addressing them properly enables us to achieve long-term success without falling for such tricks.
We must celebrate our victories whenever we defeat the yetzer hara. Otherwise, we will feel that we missed out on something incredible and gained nothing in exchange. We must remind ourselves that each victory is incredibly profound. It is quite impressive to go against our nature and control ourselves when we want to give in. This success ranks very high on the barometer of true spiritual accomplishment. By recognizing that we gain immensely when we control ourselves, we will achieve breathtaking success against the yetzer hara with excitement.
All we miss out on by not giving in are cheap thrills bundled with misery, while what we gain by controlling ourselves is that we move closer toward becoming great people and being happy. When we realize that we have something much better than the second-rate pleasures the yetzer hara peddles, we will succeed in our challenges of desire, and we will be thrilled with our decision to stand up and fight in the battle of the generation.
Quick Recap:
More Ways to Bring Meaning to Life
I must mention two important methods that help remove feelings of emptiness. One is learning Torah. It is vital that we have a daily seder in learning in which we push ourselves to understand Torah. Toiling in Torah study yields one of the most rewarding feelings we can experience, as we will explore further in Chapter 44.
The second method is to constantly look to give happiness to others and bring a smile to their faces. Bringing joy to someone else is so meaningful. If we forget ourselves and our problems for a short while and just focus on making others happy, we will begin to feel happy and fulfilled. Even if we start with the purely selfish intention of easing our own feelings of lack, our mood will slowly improve. Experiencing the lift that we bring to others by making a difference in their lives is one of the sweetest feelings there is. We will be genuinely happy and will not feel that we lack anything. (Dale Carnegie, How to Stop Worrying and Start
Living, pages 173-176)