Another common mistake is the idea that closing off from desire is the entire solution to today’s nisyonos. People influenced by this myth preach and do nothing other than avoiding harmful influences. They don’t have a plan to attain self-control. They don’t prepare for challenges, because they never thought about the importance of doing so. In extreme cases, they don’t even try to fight temptation because they are convinced that avoiding it is all that helps. They think it’s hopeless once they have been tempted, so why should they bother trying?
This error causes people who mess up to blame everything on not being more careful to avoid desire. Instead of accepting that they tried to shield themselves and that Hashem wanted them to fight this challenge, and instead of preparing so they don’t enter the toughest battle of all time unarmed, they berate themselves for not averting the challenge. As a result, they get frustrated and try to close themselves off even more. But this approach only helps marginally at best, because they have already limited much of their exposure to desire. And even if they improve, they won’t completely solve the problem because it’s almost impossible to avoid all challenges. They would gain more if they worked on everything else instead.
In addition, this attitude can be quite dangerous. It is usually built on pressure, which often leads to more failures and creates unhealthy attitudes toward mitzvos and aveiros. We will be more successful if we develop an enjoyable, healthy perspective on the battle against desire, and then use every effective technique — including protection from harmful influences — with that attitude. This approach sparks rapid growth that lasts.
Even if we have the right attitude on avoiding desire, we must not think it is the cure-all. Of course, staying away is a great first step, and it is vital. We cannot expose ourselves to harmful ideas or objects. But we must not think there is nothing more to do after safeguarding ourselves.
Sheltering others from lust — while crucial — leaves even more gaps that we must account for. First, there are still many ways our youths can be sold on the excitement of desire. Though we must try to ensure that our children have the right friends, we can’t guarantee that their friends won’t teach them what our society preaches. And in today’s world, our children will be repeatedly exposed to temptation even without bad friends. The challenges are all over. Even walking in the street can be tough. If we don’t gear them up to battle desire in addition to limiting their exposure to licentiousness, they will face raging urges unprepared.
Additionally, many children — even some who seem naive — have begun to chase their passions. They believe that what they lust for is the greatest experience ever, and they face intense impulses. No doubt, they will do anything to get what they want — they will somehow beat the system. If we assume that everything will be fine because we keep our house kosher, we risk getting a nasty surprise. We must try to protect our children, of course. But we must also motivate them to win their battles.
Furthermore, preaching for people to solve their problems only by distancing themselves from desire often doesn’t work, because they don’t want to stay away. Many people are already dabbling in desire or are even caught in its web. They don’t want to give up their opportunity to get what they want. And those who aren’t involved doubt they will have any problems with desire, and don’t want to forgo the benefits and entertainment they would have to sacrifice.
Further, if a person doesn’t realize how much he gains by controlling himself, he won’t be willing to give up what he enjoys. If victory isn’t important to him, he won’t feel like sacrificing anything. Only once a person understands the value of success and wants to fight will he happily forgo things to make his battle easier. Limiting exposure to desire works best after one aspires to win.
Finally, as much as we try to shield ourselves, we will be exposed at some point to something that will challenge us. Can any man say he was never challenged? Is there anyone who never felt an urge? If we don’t prepare, it will be tougher when we are challenged.