(Some of the concepts below will only be understood by those who are working the 12-Steps and/or were on Duvid Chaim's calls.)
Dear Struggler,
First of all, you must congratulate yourself.
Think about it.
You actually experienced a slip, but by posting about it on the forum or by emailing or calling me to admit this, it means that you are getting out of isolation, learning to trust and getting in touch with your feelings. These are the first signs that you are truly making progress in recovery!
And NOW you are more AWARE, and you know that the acting-out experience just isn't as "rewarding" as before.
You now know deep down that this is not the place you want to be. And you know that Recovery is where it's at!
So don't be so hard on yourself.
You can now come back into the light!
To get back in track:
1) Always first have a good long conversation with HaKadosh Boruch Hu. He just wants to hear from you again. Maybe your "signal strength" got a little low. How many "bars" were you holding before the slip?
2) Re-read some of your favorite excerpts from the Big Book and the notes you took.
3) Go back to your 4th Step Worksheet and review it - see the notes from our discussion. What "Glasses" were you wearing before your slip, and what glasses are you wearing now?
4) Then go to a new line in the Worksheets and do a "mini-inventory", identifying the "Resentments" and "Fears" that led up to the slip.
5) Send me the mini-inventory for a brief discussion.
6) Talk to another member of our Chevra or make an effort to build the relationships with those around you.
7) Be of Service to others, or do a random act of Chesed.
8) Get back on the Group Call. It's a wonderful way to review the Program materials and to be of service to the newcomers.
9) And most important of all, LOVE YOURSELF and realize what a success you are. And that you are NOT going to let anyone or anything pull you backwards.
10) Going Forward, stay aware of your perception and motives.
Remind yourself that you ARE in Recovery and that it's about PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION!!
Looking FORWARD (and now, so should you!)
Duvid Chaim
PS - I start my day with the following prayers and recite them through the day, as I need:
Oh God, direct my thinking, so that it may be divorced from Self-Pity and from dishonest and self-seeking motives. Let me make every decision and begin every action in You and continue it only through Your Inspiration. Throughout this day, show me the next step to take and to trust in Your Care of me and my problems. Free me from all self-will and self-sufficiency. Help me to neither seek nor pray for selfish ends.
"God, I offer myself to You - to build with me and to do with me as You will. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Your will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help, of Your Power, Your Love, and Your Way of life. May I do Your will always!". (BB p 63)
"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.". (BB pg 76)
Setbacks are Part of the Process
When you try to make spiritual progress in life, expect setbacks. They are part of the process.
Many people are happy, even excited, to make spiritual undertakings when they see steady progress. Even if progress is slow, they are patient. But when they are faced with setbacks, they easily give up. When you realize that setbacks are an integral part of making progress, you realize that this is just another step that you have to make. It's like climbing a mountain path. The path doesn't always go straight up. At times it goes around the right and at times it goes around the left but the focus is on eventually getting to the destination. And therefore, even if part of the path seems to be descending, it is a descent for the sake of ascent. This, too, is getting you closer to where you want to end up.
(from Rabbi Zelig Pliskin's book: Harmony with Others, p.109, artscroll.com)