The Library

This article is reprinted from Fortify.com:

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Addiction teaches us to rationalize and justify. Over time we get really good at making excuses for ourselves to act out and we keep buying into our own lies. There is no end to what a porn addict can come up with in the moment; we look for any and every reason to act out. Fortifiers need to do some serious soul-searching to find out what their biggest excuses are. We aren’t telling you this to make you feel bad, we just hope that this list will help you identify some of the excuses that are holding you back.

Here are the top 10 excuses we hear most at Fortify HQ:

• I need it to fall asleep.
  Addiction can build seemingly normal routines into our lives that can be really hard to break. Sometimes our triggers are based on a time of day, a location, or even something as simple as a sound. It might sound crazy but there are things in our lives that inadvertently become related to our addiction. These types of triggers are powerful and can easily turn into part of our daily routines. Recognize the difference between a normal, healthy routine and one that your addiction has created.
• I had a setback so I might as well take advantage of it and binge.
  This one is a huge culprit for turning a moment of weakness into a massive setback in your recovery. Learning to dust yourself off and turn things around quickly is an immensely important skill for Fortifiers. Remember that setbacks are a part of recovery and that they are motivation to press on, not permission to dig yourself deeper.
• I’m already screwed up, why stop now?
  Remember: YOU ARE NOT YOUR ADDICTION. This is one of the most important things you need to remind yourself, day in and day out. You’re not a bad person because you struggle with this, you’re a great person because you’re doing something to change for the better.
• Everybody does it and they’re fine. It’s a natural release.
  Maybe other people watch porn and live well - but can you? If you’re reading this and you’re enlisted in the Fortify Program, odds are you can’t. Don’t compare yourself to other people. This is your life and your recovery. You know that there’s nothing healthy about your urges to watch porn and using this justification will throw you back into the endless addiction cycle.
• I need the release. I’m so stressed/worried/upset/bored.
  This is just the porn-addicted version of your brain talking, not your healthy one. Be smarter than your brain. We all need to vent at some point, so do it positively. Slipping back into harmful habits when times get tough is only going to make things tougher.
• This type of porn isn’t as bad.
  This one can be subtle. A lot of the time we will let ourselves get close to things we know are triggers because they maybe aren’t technically pornographic, or they are “just” softcore. Sometimes we just personalize the situation to convince ourselves that some kind of porn is okay for us, telling ourselves that we are lonely or even that we “deserve it.” No porn is good or even okay. Stay away from the cliff’s edge and you’ll never be in danger of falling.
• I’m not hurting anyone.
  Your addiction is actually hurting a lot of people, including yourself. If you don’t already know, studies have shown that pornography is directly tied to emotional and sexual dissatisfaction in relationships. Not to mention all of the emotional, mental and physical ramifications from addiction that you’ll end up dealing with yourself. All the problems that porn creates make it so difficult, if not impossible, to freely give all of yourself to your loved ones.
• It could be worse.
  A lot of things could be worse, but recovery is about what can be better. Focus on your potential, not your rock bottom. If we know anything about porn addiction, it’s that it will get worse if we let it. Realize that what you’re doing is harmful and commit to getting healthy.
• This is the last time.
  There will never be a last time as long as you keep telling yourself this. Accept that you have a problem and realize that recovery is a constant road of victories and setbacks. The sooner you realize that relying on your own strength (or “white-knuckling it” as well call it) won’t work, the closer you are to real change.
• I can’t stop making excuses.
  Look around at your life to find the excuses you are using. Make a list and keep it with you. When one of these rationalizations creeps into your thoughts, you will be able to recognize and dismiss it. And remember, thinking of these things doesn’t make you perverted or bad. In fact, as we start to sift through thoughts and rely on the ones that support our recovery, we will find more trust and confidence in ourselves.