Ok, so where did she get the strange name "7Up" from? Well, when she first joined us she called herself "7Yipol" in reference to the Pasuk "Seven times the tzadik falls (yipol) and gets up (ve'kum)". But after a short time with us, everyone insisted that she change her name to "7Up" (ve'Kum). And "get up" she did - taking us all with her!
As the Zohar says, the brightest light comes out of the darkest night, so I would like to bring her very first e-mail below. It was two days after Shavu'os on June 2, exactly 3 months ago from today. She wrote as follows:
Hi. I am desperate. The Yetzer Hara has been working overtime to destroy me! Please, please help me. I can't keep fighting any more. The only thing in my life of any real importance is a close relationship with my Tatte in Shamayim. The more I fall, the further I get from him. I'm dying of loneliness and have no where to turn. Married 24 years with 8 kids doesn't help, only makes the guilt worse.
I have been alone in gehenim for close to 30 years! I have often davened for Hashem to save me and take me from this world. All I want is the z'chus to 'sit on Hashem's lap', but because of my addiction, even this will be denied me when my time comes. I know for a fact that I will have a harsh olam ha'emes, which doesn't bother me. My pain stems from the shame I will rightfully suffer in front of all I admire, and most of all, the knowledge that Hashem is disappointed in me.
We established contact with her and sent her material to read. She proved to be a very quick learner (and reader!), and within a few short days she had read through most of our website, the two handbooks, and a host of other links that we sent her.
A few days after her initial contact (after countless e-mails back and forth), she wrote back as follows:
It's nothing short of a miracle. Two days after you wrote to me and listened to the pain in my heart, I took upon myself 90 hours clean; the theme of 90, but in a way I thought I could succeed without over reaching. Well, 90 hours has turned into day 6! I am aiming for a week, and after that hopefully for 10 days; baby steps to help me reach my goal.
I raced through all the reading material you sent me, as a drowning person grabbing 100 pieces of driftwood instead of just focusing on the one closest and most appropriate for his current needs. Now I hope to start re-reading and absorbing the messages one by one. I think you have sent me enough reading for at least 100 days to come ;-) I have no way to thank you.
After about 2 weeks of communication, we finally convinced her to join the "Women's Forum" (no, it wasn't easy). But after just one day on the forum, she posted:
Dear holy neshamos,
I have been on this forum for one short day, and the chizuk and love I've experienced is nothing short of amazing. I'd like to share a few thoughts which are running through my head at this crazy hour of 2am.
All I keep repeating is "Mi K'amcha Yisrael"! For the first time in 30 years, I find myself actually thanking Hakadosh Baruch Hu for this addiction! In a mere 2 weeks (Guard was stuck with me till I joined you all) I have grown more through what I previously perceived as a curse, than all the clear brachos combined.
I see so clearly the difference between goyim and frum Yidden. Goyim are also fighting this terrible epidemic called lust, also filling the SA and SLAA groups in unprecidented numbers. But they are trying to beat it for very different reasons than we. True, we all (them and us) want it to stop taking over our lives, marriages, money and self respect. We all want to stop hiding in 'dark corners' and living double lives.
But I think that's where the similarity ends. They want it to stop ruining their olam hazeh (this world). We want it to stop ruining our olam ha'emes (World of Truth). To us, nothing is more important than our connection to Hashem.
I have no words to thank you all for the chizuk.
May we all be zoche to see Hashem's chesed clearly, because everything He does is for the good, we just don't always sense it.