"My wife and I make a solid effort to make the environment in our home Jewish, but I never thought of this in light of Shmirat Einayim."
If you are an employee, you probably have little control over your work environment. Short of requesting a respectable dress code, there may be little you can do that will influence the entire company.
Several years ago, a popular anti-lashon hara campaign included desktop placards that warned, "Don't even think of telling me lashon hara." It stopped gossip-mongers in their tracks, at least in the immediate vicinity of the people who put up the sign. Without being obnoxious or "holier-than-thou" about it, you can convey the same distaste for immodesty. Simply walk away silently when inappropriate jokes or pictures emerge. Fairly soon, your co-workers will get the message and will not bother including you in that kind of "fun." You may even find that they respect you more for the sincerity of your Jewish integrity.
Your home can be a spiritual oasis, free of improper sights and full of Torah study and mitzvot. The kedushah and purity of such a home nurtures the souls that live in it. It radiates with the special love of Jewish parents and it is the very foundation of Klal Yisrael. This home will abound with blessings of peace, happiness, and closeness to Hashem.
When you were first married, this was what you wanted. But over the years, laxness creeps in and standards change. You may have lost sight of the goal. No matter what the ages of your children - even if you do not have children - you can start now to make your home the spiritual oasis your family deserves.
What can you do? First, set a good example. Do you dress with the same modesty inside as you do outdoors? Do you behave in a modest fashion? Is your language clean?
What sort of influences do you allow within the four walls of your home? Without our realizing it, immodest images appear daily in store circulars and unsolicited mail. Be on the alert for these, and eliminate them from your environment.
Secular educators as well as religious leadership have recognized that the media is a destructive influence on virtually every individual. If you stop to notice these negative influences in your home life and decide that they need to be modified, view it as an educational opportunity.
The great Rabbis of our generation have ruled that internet should not be allowed in the home unless it is required for business - and only used for that purpose. If you have a question whether or not your situation allows internet in the home, consult with a halachic authority for guidance.
Don't simply forbid this or that. This is an opportunity to discuss with your children why these influences are objectionable. What messages do they convey? How do they conflict with our values? Don't lecture - discuss.
The Midrash teaches that Hashem instructed Moshe exactly how to count the Jewish nation. He told him to go to each tent and count how many souls were in each family.
But Moshe did not invade their privacy. He stood at the entrance of each tent and the Shechinah "entered" the household. A heavenly voice then told him the number of children inside.
What can we learn from this Midrash? If we are worthy, Hashem comes into our homes, just as one visits his friend! He loves us so much that He wants to be with us. But our homes must be ready for His Presence. We can do that by maintaining a home free of immodest images and by raising our children to be aware that they are endowed with a noble spiritual status. Every Jewish family should be sensitive to the fact that much of the language and entertainment popular today are beneath us. It is the parents who demonstrate and guard this reality.
Today: Take steps to control the spiritual atmosphere of your home. Make your home a fitting place to receive the Shechinah.
Sara and I decided to discuss what we could do to improve our home environment. Now that Eddie is 14, Julie is 11, and Raymond is 8, they are more subject to the cultural influences around us than ever before. We agreed that the environment is a lot worse today than it was when we were kids.
We realized that there's really no way we can always monitor what they see and hear when they're out of the house, but our home should be a place where modesty is the norm and the richness of our Jewish life is dominant.
We called a family meeting to talk about it. The kids were less than thrilled when they found out the topic I wanted to discuss. Eddie drummed his fingers on the table, Julie rolled her eyes and Raymond just sat there open-mouthed. I started by asking them what's Jewish about our home - if a stranger walked in, how could he tell it's a place where observant Jews live? They looked around and started pointing out mezuzot, our Chanukah menorah, Sara's Shabbat candlesticks, the Jewish books and siddurim.
"Now, what's not Jewish about our home?" They were stuck. "Um, some of our CD's?" ventured Eddie. "Maybe the movie star posters in my room?" suggested Julie.
The conversation wasn't easy, but we discussed why these influences don't belong in our lives, and I confessed that I had been careless to let them in. When I suggested that we all take a break from watching TV for a while, Raymond whined, "We'll die!"
"You don't mean completely, do you, Dad?" questioned Eddie.
"Yes, completely."
"Even your evening news, Dad?" he said craftily. I nodded yes, even the news. The kids looked from one to the other.
"That's so mean," muttered Julie under her breath. "I can't believe we're doing this."
I didn't blink. Sara smiled. "It won't be easy for any of us, but I think that as a family we can kick the TV habit together. Let's try!"
We knew they would have a lot of extra time on their hands, so the next day, we went shopping together. We helped Eddie buy the telescope he'd been saving up for; we got paint supplies for Julie so she could take art lessons; and we let Raymond pick a hobby. Now he has everything he needs to start a rock and mineral collection.
These e-mails are excerpts taken from the book "Windows of the Soul" by Rabbi Zvi Miller of the Salant Foundation.