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Day 20: Respect the Privacy of Other People

Monday, 21 May 2012
Part 2/3 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

If you need to speak to a woman who is modestly dressed, first determine if you are able to speak to her while maintaining proper thoughts. If you decide that you can, remember to utilize everything you have learned up to now. And it's best to keep your time with her short, if possible.

The Talmud tells us that Rabbi Yirmiyah ben Abba once served as a witness for a loan. When the creditor came to collect the money, the rabbi did not recognize the woman who had borrowed it. The other witnesses told Rabbi Yirmiyah that it was the same woman, but she had aged. Was it that hard to recognize her? Abaye explained that it is not the nature of a Torah scholar to take particular note of a woman's face, which is why Rabbi Yirmiyah did not have a strong recollection of the incident. (Bava Batra 168a)

Although we are far from the holy status of Rabbi Yirmiyah ben Abba, we can learn from him. Even in situations that seem benign, we should not be overly attentive to the appearance of the women around us. As we learned on Day 10 in regard to balance in relating to women, this should be done with utmost care not to offend the women. You do not have to be obvious about it, nor look away suddenly or defensively.

With the wisdom of Torah and Mussar, you will find the inner reserves of strength and dignity to speak to modestly dressed women while retaining pure thoughts.

Today: Respect the privacy of others by controlling your desires.

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